The One Homeschooling Item I Couldn't Live Without

So this morning, like every other morning I hop on facebook and see this cool link-up about My Favorite Homeschooling Item from one of my most favorite blogs...House Unseen.   And, I think to myself...Hmm...I wonder what my favorite homeschooling item is?  And, I thought and thought and thought...and realized that the one thing I couldn't homeschool without are my friends and homeschooling community.

Is that sappy or what?  Totally, totally sappy.'  But, also totally, totally true.  I really couldn't homeschool without my friends or a strong homeschool community.  I need the support and encouragement...I really, really need it.

Let's face it...homeschooling can be tough.  There are many days when I just want to throw up my hands and throw everyone in school.  But, I don't...because I know there are other moms going through the exact same thing...and we support and encourage and help each other.  I NEED that support and community.

It is so wonderful to be able to meet up with other moms at the park, or coops or field trips or moms nights out.  It is so wonderful for my kids to have lots and lots of other friends.  And, it is so wonderful that there is this whole community out there of other families that I can reply on for support and help and friendship and field trips and park days.

Homeschoolers tend to be a pretty diverse bunch...and in our homeschooling journey, we've met all types.  And, for the most part...they are all wonderful people.

When we moved down to Florida, one of the first things I did was look up the local homeschooling groups and join a few.  When we move to our next..as..yet.to.be.determined location, I know that is one of the first things I will do there as well.

So, here's to all my fellow homeschooling mom friends...those I had in Rhode Island, those I have in Florida and those I've only met in that mysterious world called the internet.   Thank you for your support and encouragement and friendship.  Thank you for keeping me SANE.

No More Yelling

Photo by Probably Okay,  Used under the Creative Commons License

Hi, My name is Amelia and I am a (reformed) yeller.  I didn't used to yell at my kids.   I used to be calm and gentle all the time...way, way, way back when I only had one child.

Ever since I got pregnant with my first child, I've always believed very strongly in gentle discipline.  Not to open up a can of worms, but we don't spank or us any corporal punishments.  I've always felt very strongly against that, although I do know some some wonderful parents who I respect very much that do so.    However, for myself, I've always felt that spanking was wrong..that it's not respectful and that it's not effective, so I don't do it.

I own and have read so many gentle discipline books...Raising your Spirited Child, Unconditional Parenting, How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen Listen so Your Kids Will Talk, Adventures in Gentle Discipline, The Discipline Book.

Heck..I'm even quoted in Adventures in Gentle Discipline. 

I knew how not to discipline...but I didn't know how to do so.   I don't like punishing or disciplining  my children.  I just don't...it hurts me to do so. So, I started yelling instead of really disciplining.   I'd yell empty threats...but never follow through.   I'd yell, instead of doing the hard work of actually teaching right from wrong.  It was easier to yell from where I was, then to get up, look a child in the eye and calmly speak to them.

The thing is..yelling certainly isn't gentle..and it's not respectful, and it's certainly not effective.   But, I justified it by telling myself, Well, at least I'm not spanking or All parents yell sometimes or I'm so stressed, I can't help it. 

But, the thing is, I CAN help it..and I CAN stop yelling.   This year for Lent, I decided to give up yelling..  And, I discovered something...I CAN do this.  I CAN be the gentle, calm, rational mother I want to be.

Now, it's only been a few days...but a strange thing happened when I stopped yelling and started making an effort to speak always in a calm and rational manner.  My kids started listening better and responding better and behaving better.   They actually PREFER to be justly punished (usually by losing privileges) than to be yelled at. 

I mentioned this to my wonderful, awesome husband, who is always a gentle and loving father and he said something that really stuck with me.  He said

Of course, they prefer punishment over yelling.  Yelling is not respectful and not just, while punishment is just.

 For example. when a certain someone was balking at writing her English essay and doing school...it was way more just and respectful to temporarily take away her library books which were the source of her distraction than it would have been to just yell or make empty threats.

I've also discovered something else in my few days of not yelling.  Patience begets patience...and trying to actively cultivate a spirit of patience and gentleness helps me BE more patient and gentle.  For example. when a certain someone was throwing a major tantrum in his room last night, I found I actually had to patience to go in and get him and read him a story to help him calm down.

And, being more patient and gentle with my kids, has helped me to be more patient and gentle with MYSELF. 

It's not easy, and I know there will be slip-ups...but this Lent, I am really focusing on calm, quiet speaking and just and merciful discipline.  God Help Me...I know I'll need it, but it's what I need to do and what my children deserve.

7 Quick Takes Friday... The Baby Edition

 Babies are great. Babies are fun.

 Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herald

Everyone loves a baby..so this is the all things baby edition of 7QTF

--- 1 ---

My super , super, awesome friend dropped of this high chair for us this morning. Yay! This will make eating much easier, as now Elsa can sit in the chair, instead of on our laps. It will also keep salad dressing from dropping on her... not that olive oil isn't good for the complexion or anything..but I don't think she likes having it drop on her head..

 

--- 2 ---

Yes, she is wearing a hat. Yes, it is like 70 degrees outside. No, she doesn't need it...but hats are so stinking cute on babies, that I just can't help myself. I think I'm especially enjoying dressing her up in cute clothes, because I know how quickly they start developing their own opinions.

Toddler: Waaah, I want the princess dress, I want the princess dress, I want the princess dress.

 Me: The princess dress is dirty, you're worn it for the past 5 days and we have to wash it.
 Toddler: Waaah, I want the princess dress.

Repeat, repeat, repeat...

So, while I can, I still dress her in whatever cute clothes I want. Like these super, awesome, fabulous cow baby leg warmers.

or this:

--- 3 ---

Speaking of high chairs, despite what our pediatrician "suggested", we aren't starting her on rice cereal at 4 months. We probably aren't giving her rice cereal at all. I basically follow Baby Led Weaning because I'm way too lazy to spoon baby mush into a baby's mouth. So, I basically just wait until my babies are old enough to feed themselves. So far, no one has starved to death and they all weaned...eventually.

--- 4 ---

I just started using my Kozy to put Elsa on my back. Oh my word..does that make life easier. I can cook and stuff with her back there. I love my Kozy. It's like 9 years old now and I've used it for newborns through kids age 3 or even 4.

Sorry for the cheesy, bathroom mirror, Ipod photo.

--- 5 ---

Two weeks ago, some random person gave me a bumbo seat in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. They just came up to me and asked if I wanted one...she said she had been trying to find someone to pass it on to.  So, I took it, but I don't really get it. Between her big bubble, cloth diaper butt and chubby thighs, Elsa can barely squeeze into it at 5 months, especially with the new repair kid harness (apparently, they have this repair kit that adds a seatbelt  that you are supposed to add on.  So I think we are just going to pass it on.  But, it was super nice of this total random stranger to hand it to me..so it totally made my day...even if we can't really use it.

--- 6 ---

Having a baby and big kids is wonderful. Awesome. I always tell people that my 4th was so much easier than my 2nd or 3rd, because now I have an 11 year old daughter who can hold/comfort the baby. Makes life so.much.easier.

--- 7 ---

And, just so you don't think our life is all sunshine and butterflies..let it be known that my baby has no schedule.  She doesn't sleep alone and even at night, wakes up after only 45 minutes or so of sleeping by herself after a day of not sleeping. But, that's okay..because who needs sleep anyway...I gave it up for Lent.    Just kidding...I actually gave up yelling for Lent...which I will elaborate on in a future post.   Stay tuned for an update on my no-yell Lent.

. For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real and Leaves!

{pretty}

 Double-dipping with this one and joining up for Clan Donaldson and Theme Thursday:  Leaves or Trees.   I braved the frigid, cool morning and pouring rain to take this picture of palm trees and leaves. And, for your interesting fact for the day, did you know that palm trees aren't really trees...they are actually a type of grass.  A very large, type of grass apparently.

 {happy}

Happiness is ice cream cake and birthday celebrations!  A perfect picture to post for Lent, no?

 {funny} 

 This is Greta's Valentine's day card for me.  It reads 

Roses are pretty,

Not as pretty as you

Cake is sweet.  Not as

sweat as you.

I'm so glad cake isn't as sweat as me, because who wants sweaty cake?

  

{real} 

 This is how we do school around here...sitting on the floor with toys strewn around.  Lollipop not usually included.  Although today she is eating a lollipop, at 11:00 AM, even though it's Lent.  They received a plethora of candy at the Valentine's party on Tuesday and as Greta says "I didn't give up sweets for Lent, I gave up sleeping with a pillow."  Not sure where she come up with that idea?? 

That's all for now folks!  Hope you enjoyed this edition of pretty, happy, funny, real! 

Happy Birthday Heidi...11 Years in Pictures

In the year, 2002, Ash Wednesday also landed on February 13th.    We didn't make it to Mass that Ash Wednesday and we didn't get ashes.  Heck, I'm pretty sure I even ate meat, because that is what the hospital gave me, and after a super long labor, I was famished.

On February 13th, 2002 at 11:00 AM, Heidi Marie Bentrup was born. 

Over the past 11 years, Heidi has grown from a tiny, little 6 lb 12 oz. baby to an 11-year old girl that is almost as tall as I am (and at 5'5", I'm no shrimp).   It's been an amazing journey..being her mother.   I was only 24 when she was born, and we had been married for just over a year.  I'm sure many people thought we were too young to be parents, but she has taught us so much and we are so blessed to have her.

Heidi is very sweet, smart and social. I call her the social butterfly, because she makes friends so easily and will enjoy playing with just about anyone.    Unfortunately, she's also a lot like me in many ways...and it's rather disconcerting seeing all your bad traits show up in your child.  Sometimes I think God gives every parent one of those just like me kids so we can know what we put our own parents through.  Unlike me however, Heidi is also a very gifted singer (in my totally non-biased opinion of course) and she did NOT get that from me.   She also really enjoys art, playing the piano..and believe it or not...archery, which she does through 4-H.

To celebrate her birthday, I'm posting one picture from every year of her life.

2002, Louisville, KY

This picture was taken at St. Martin de Tours parish in Louisville, KY.  We LOVED that parish..it was such a great church!  So many good Catholic families there.  It is still our most favorite church.

2003, Louisville, KY

Notice the bookshelf made out of bricks and boards.  We're classy like that.  That thing was a BEAR to move.

 2004, Murfreesboro, TN

This picture was taken outside our home in Murfreesboro, TN.  We sold the house and moved a few months later. Yes, we bought a house..and then sold it a year later.  It was craziness.  Several years after we left TN, this house actually burned down to the ground.  Thankfully it was vacant at the time.  So sad..I loved that house. 

2005, Derry, NH 

2006, Rhode Island

2007, Rhode Island.  We still have that scooter.  It's going to make a trip to scooter heaven very, very soon.

2008, Rhode Island

2009, Rhode Island

I love this picture.  Sr. Veronica. (my sister) visited Rhode Island and dressed the girls up.  We joke that she already has a room reserved for them at her convent.

2010, Rhode Island.  First Holy Communion at Jesus Savior Parish in Newport

2011, Naples, FL (although this was taken in Nashville, TN while on vacation)

2012, Naples, FL

2013, Naples FL

Wow, this also chronicles our various moves and different states we've lived in.  What a journey!
Happy 11th Birthday Heidi, We Love You!!

Parenting and the Papacy

Photo from catholicphilly.com

The Catholic world was rocked this morning with the news of Pope Benedict's resignation..to take place at the end of this month.   I woke up this morning...and immediately checked my email and got on Facebook first thing, Doesn't everyone start their day that way?   And, that is when I first learned THE NEWS.  Sadly, I get all my news from Facebook...without it, I would totally be in the dark.  I was stunned....to say the least. 

Pope John Paul II was the Pope during my formative Catholic years.  I loved him...I really, really loved him and was very saddened by his death.  Ben and I even named our pet cockatiel that we had when we first got married after him.  We called him JPII for short.  I didn't think I would love another Pope as much, but over time, I learned to love Pope Benedict.   They called him a "Catholic Rottweiler" (or something like that), and he is tough.  But, he is also gentle and clearly, very, very humble.   For, it would take great humility to do what he is doing.

I will admit to at first feeling some fear and anxiety when I heard the news.  After all, I am Anxiety Girl (able to leap to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound).  Who will be the next Pope?  What will happen to our church?  Then I remembered this passage.

  And I say also unto thee, that thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.  Matthew 16:18

 The gates of hell shall not prevail.  Jesus promised us this...that he will always be with us and that hell shall not prevail.  I know that whoever is chosen for the next Pope..the decision will be guided by the Holy Spirit.

We call the Pope our Holy Father.   And, that he is...he guides us and teaches us.  With humility and love and sometimes sternness as the occasion calls for it...he is our spiritual father.   Parenting is hard work...so very, very hard.  I have often said that for all the labor involved in caring for babies..I find babies to be way easier than older kids. Guiding and teaching and disciplining is exhausting.   There are a million decisions to be made each day...and a million and one ways to second guess myself. Am I being too strict?  Am, I being too lax?  Am I expecting too little of my children?  Am I expecting too much?  Does this occasions/transgression call for justice or mercy or both and in what proportions?   A parent's role is to protect and guide and teach and discipline his//her family.  It's not an easy job.

How much more exhausting it must be to be the spiritual father for the entire Church?    To be responsible for safeguarding the Church, to be her custodian and caretaker and to present the faith to the entire world.   What a task to take on at the age of 78...when he probably wanted nothing more than to retire in peace and pray and write!!

So..to Pope Benedict...we all say thank you.  Thank you for the past 7 1/2 years of service.  Thank you for your love and humility and books and encyclicals and prayers and sacrifices.    Thank you for your guidance and teaching.    We love you.

7 Quick Takes Friday

--- 1 ---

Best. Catholic. Meme. Ever!

--- 2 ---

Monopoly is getting rid of the iron and replacing it with a cat.  This is incredibly good news, because who the heck in their right mind would want to be an iron?  I mean..an iron?  Who came up with that.  That's about as dumb as being a thimble.   Who wants to be reminded of work while they play.  Not that I would know anything about ironing as work...because I don't do it.

--- 3 ---

I just found this on facebook.  This is me...so totally me.

--- 4 ---

I must admit, I'm jealous of all my Rhode Island/Massachusetts friends that get to a experience a historic blizzard of crippling proportions.  I've never experienced  a blizzard. ..and down here in FL, we're all just like So, is it going to be warm, hot or super hot today?    I miss not sweating. 

--- 5 ---

CNN did a piece where mothers (and fathers) can share their stories about abortion.  The stories are very interesting and sad.  A few are just maddening and are only about abortion in the strictest medical sense (same as a miscarriage is a "spontaneous abortion."  Anyway...you should check it out.

--- 6 ---

Lent is right around the corner, and I still haven't decided what I plan to "give up" or do this year.  I always find Lent so hard with a new baby....I'm all like...Well, I already gave up sleep..and going anywhere by myself for the next year and being able to do ANYTHING without being interrupted, isn't that enough.   And, I already don't eat sweets (except for ice cream on Sundays and dark chocolate...but that's a health food...really it is...it lowers my risk of heart attack or stroke, so I HAVE to eat it.) or soda, or any of those things. So, I really don't know what to do.  Any ideas or suggestions??  I'd love to hear what others are doing this Lent!!

--- 7 ---

 For number 7, I'll just leave you with our miracle of the day.  Elsa slept ALL BY HERSELF in her bouncy chair DURING THE DAY.  This is A BIG DEAL.  Here is the cute, photographic evidence.  She slept in there for like a whole TWENTY MINUTES.  WOW!  Keep it up babe...pretty please?

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!