Inside a quiet house located on the side of a hill, in a picturesque subdivision with the lights all a-blaze, a fire danced in the fireplace, and everything was serene and peaceful.
Or was it?
Unbeknownst to the unsuspecting neighbors, in that seemingly normal house with mostly regular-looking people, a murder was committed. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUNNN.
Well, murder might be too strong of a word. Let's call it an assault that ended in an unfortunate demise.
The victim? Santa Claus. Oh, not the real Santa Claus. After all, he died on December 6, 343 AD. No, this victim was a small ceramic Santa statue on top of the piano in the downstairs living room that tumbled to the ground in a mess of broken red shards and black hunks on the floor.
Who initiated the attack that led to the demise of this poor Mr. Claus?
Dear reader, that is the mystery this little epistle will try to solve.
First, let's meet the players of our little story.
Sherlock Holmerschooler (AKA Amelia)
Age: 45
Work: Homeschooling, Transcription Editing, Baking Bread, Cooking, Keeping the house standing, Chaufeering kids around, The usual mom gig.
Hobbies: Making dog food, Intermittent Fasting, Reading, Dog Training, Reading/solving mysteries.
Dr. Watson, J.D (AKA Ben)
Age: 45
Work: Lawyer - working in municipal law.
Hobbies: Chess, Games, Using Big Words, Diet Cokeaholic, watching mystery movies, and assisting Sherlock Holmeschooler.
The Suspects
Aquamarine Annika
Age: 6
Grade: 1- Homeschooled
Extracurricular Activities: Ballet, American Heritage Girls.
Hobbies: Learning how to read by snooping into other people's emails and text messages. Dolls, Drawing, Crafts, Roller Skating, Playing with friends. Taking two bites of food and not finishing.
Emerald Elsa
Age: 10
Grade: 4 - Homeschooled
Extracurricular Activities: Tap Dance, American Heritage Girls.
Hobbies: Drawing, Reading, Crafts, Roller skating, Playing with friends, Looking innocent.
Jet Black John
Grade: 9 - Homeschooled
Extracurricular Activities: Chess, Cross-Country, Youth Group, Tae Kwon Do Dropout (maybe Santa's cause of death?).
Hobbies: Chess, Games, becoming a Dr. Who fan.
Green Greta
Age: 18
Grade: 12 - Homeschooled
Extracurricular Activities: Theatre, Choir, Volunteer Work, Youth Group, Learning how to drive and not hit obstacles/pedestrians, or becoming an offroad vehicle, Applying to colleges.
Hobbies: Writing, Hanging out with Friends.
Hot Pink Heidi
Age: 20
Grade: Junior at Franciscan University of Steubenville - Spanish Major with a double minor in Psychology and Communication Arts
Extracurricular Activities: Chess club, Mental Health Club, Gaming Club.
Hobbies: Writing, Hanging with friends, Playing psychologist, Avoiding mental lapses in sanity.
Yellow Bandit (AKA George)
Age: 11
Extracurricular Activities: Stealing food.
Hobbies: Lying around, Sleeping, Looking scruffy.
Black and White Bandit (AKA Benji)
Age: 5
Extracurricular Activities: Stealing Food, Barking, Jumping.
Hobbies: Learning new tricks, Acting cute, Getting attention.
Murder Cat (AKA Tigger, AKA #1 Suspect)
Age: 2
Extracurricular Activities: Stealing foods. Attacking ankles.
Hobbies: Purring, Looking Innocent, Possibly wants pets (when appropriate).
Tiger Cat (AKA Rocky)
Extracurricular Activities: Hanging with Tigger, his BFF.
Hobbies: Purring, Getting attention, Acting like a sweetheart.
The Unlikely Suspects
The Black Bandit (AKA Zorro)
Age: 7
Extracurricular Activities: Hunting chipmunks, birds, and rodents.
Hobbies: Dropping his catch off on the front porch. His dead body count is greater than the fingers on one hand.
The Innocent One (AKA Moosie)
Age: 3
Extracurricular Activities: None.
Hobbies: Shedding, Twitching his nose.
Sherlock Holmeschooler and Dr. Watson J.D. questioned the suspects.
Hot Pink Heidi claimed to have an air-tight alibi because she was away at college, earning all A's, hanging with friends, studying for exams, drinking coffee, going to events, and having an article published in The Troubadour. Upon further investigation, however, she was found to be home on the night of the murder, so this Christmas Crack addict is still, as she likes to say, "sus." Upon further investigation, however, her name was cleared because she appeared to have been working at the local Amish restaurant
Green Greta claimed to be busy practicing for several performances, singing in a choir, babysitting, doing school, writing stories, and learning how to drive. However, on the night of the murder, she was doing none of those things. Further investigation revealed that she was pacing around the kitchen at the time of the crime, and since the crime occurred in the lower living room, she was deemed innocent.
Jet Black John, being the upright, upstanding teenager who received Confirmation in October, that he is, was an unlikely suspect. Nevertheless, all present parties must be questioned. John claimed to have been working hard at school or playing chess. Further questioning revealed that he was in fact doing those things, so he was also cleared of wrongdoing.
Emerald Elsa was sparkling with color during her questioning. She claimed to have been drawing pictures of everyone in her family and roller skating in the basement. Since she was able to provide said drawing as proof, her name was also cleared.
At first Aquamarine Annika seemed to be a likely suspect, but further investigation revealed that the crime occurred without the presence of witnesses and Annika does not like being in a room by herself. Furthermore, she also follows Elsa around and the two partners in non-crime were able to provide believable alibies for each other. It was discovered that Annika was busy learning how to read, dancing, and drawing on the night in question.
That just left the furry members of the family. Moosie was quickly eliminated because he stays in jail a pen in a separate room and would have had no way to commit the grievous assault. Upon interrogation, he twitched his nose a lot.
The Yellow Bandit (George) was also eliminated. He does nothing but sleep and eat, so since Santa Claus did not have any food, George did not have the necessary motive to be considered a reasonable suspect.
The Black and White Bandit (Benji) was more likely, as he likes to play and jump. However, his name was cleared when a simple test revealed that he could not have reached the Santa Claus that was originally standing on top of the large piano.
That only left the feline members. Murder Cat was by far the most likely suspect as he does have a murderous streak (hence the nickname), however, the Black Bandit (Zorro) gives him a run for his money when it comes to murder tendencies. However, the Black Bandit spends most of his time outdoors. The Tiger (Rocky) was eliminated because he avoids leaving the basement as he does not care for the canine members of the family.
Sherlock Holmeschooler and Dr. Watson JD were all set to pin the blame on Murder Cat. After all, he does have a history of murdering stuff. However, that brilliant mind, Sherlock Holmeschooler remembered that while Zorro is often outside (he prefers it out there) he had come inside recently. Careful deduction came to the conclusion that on the night of the crime, he was inside.
Further deduction revealed that in a likely scenario Benji had chased him onto the piano (the last known location of the poor Santa Claus) and there the assault occurred.
The crime was solved. The black cat did it, with major culpability from the black and white dog. The charges were downgraded from murder to unintentional Santa-cide and the punishment given was light (non-existent). Santa was swept up with a broom and ashes ceramic shards were dumped in the trash.
Peace was restored and a Merry Christmas was had by all.
We hope you enjoyed our little tale of our family's doings. We wish all our friends and family the Merriest of Christmases and the Happiest of New Years. May God's Love and Peace Reign in Your Home this Christmas Season. And may all your homicidal cats and naughty dogs behave themselves and don't commit statutory murder or other impetuous crimes.
Love,
The Bentrups
