A Loaf of Bread

Every Baby Comes Carrying a Loaf of Bread Under His (Her) Arm - Spanish/Italian/Something Proverb

That has certainly been true in our case.

See...photo evidence.

The day Annika was born, my husband had his first job interview for his new job.  Yes...that very day.  As in, he had the interview scheduled for 9 AM and my water broke at 7 AM.  Whee!!  I actually didn’t go into labor until 4:30 PM and she was born at 7:45 PM.  

So, it all worked out.  Then he had his second interview when she was only 11 days old and he got the actual offer just before she turned 6 weeks.

A really great loaf of bread.  We have been praying for this job for the last 6 years!

Seriously...he switched from a career in teaching to law school back in 2010 and we have been praying for this job ever since he first started.   

Six years!  

There were many, many dark moments during that time.  Many tears and lots of despair.

It’s been a bunch of tough lessons about learning patience and trust and hope and all that good stuff.  Very, very tough.  But amazingly enough, we did okay.  We always had enough money each month.  Somehow, something would always come through so all our needs were always met.  We learned lots of frugal habits….like not buying paper towels (a habit I have since given up).  After years of looking for a sustainable, effective work at home job, where I could actually make money working at home, I finally found one.  

So we did okay....with some (lots of) help.  But, we were still waiting and hoping for that job. Finally, finally, finally it came.

God is always faithful. God always takes care of us. Many people would say that one shouldn't have a baby if things aren't just peachy-keen financially. That you need to own a house and have a big bank account and money for college. The thing is, things are almost never peachy-keen. And even when they are, things can change in an instant. While owning a house and a big bank account and money for college are good things, they aren't necessary. Four out of my five children would not exist if we had waited for things to be financially perfect. That would be sad....those children not existing. I don't know what they will do in life, but hopefully they will grow up and make the world a better place. They will be kind and helpful and smart and do good things.  

New babies are worth it.  Even when they don’t come bearing such an obvious loaf of bread, they always bring their own blessing and joy. Babies are people and people are worth fighting for. They are worth bringing into the world, even when life isn't perfect. Life is rarely perfect. If no one had babies unless life was perfect, this world would be a much emptier place.

Babies have this tendency to make the world better, to bring out the best in others. To inspire others to be more giving and caring and loving. The world certainly needs more love.

Parenthood is about the only thing left that the world encourages unselfishness in. Babies have a tendency to make people less selfish. Which is a very, very good thing. Here's to all the babies!!

Have a wonderful, happy Thanksgiving!.

So I think God spoke to me

I went on our Diocesan Woman's retreat this past Saturday.  It was just a one day thing.   My mom asked me if I wanted to go and I said yes. 

I wasn't really thinking about the retreat itself.  All I could think was. 

A whole day out of my house without my kids. Sign me up. 

I love my kids, but I hate my house, so I'm up for any excuse to get out of it. 

Anyway, I hadn't really thought about what would happen at the retreat.

It never occurred to me that the retreat would involve lots of quiet prayer time.  Why I was so dense as to not realize that a Catholic women's retreat would involve prayer, I have no idea. 

Anyway, the retreat involved lots of prayer.  Which I have been lacking.  You see....I'm been sorta mad at God lately.  Okay...very mad.  He wasn't doing what I wanted him to be doing.   So, I haven't been praying too much.  You see God hasn't been answering my prayers. 

I'm not a saint.  I'm not one of those people can be naturally cheerful and happy in times of distress.   I'm not someone whose faith never wavers.  If I were to die, I'm pretty sure there would be no glowing eulogies about me. 

I'm really struggled with our whole situation these past few months.  REALLY struggled.  REALLY, REALLY struggled.  More than the situation warranted.  Because really, things could be much, much worse. 

So, while I found the retreat to be quiet and peaceful, I didn't feel like it was this great connecting experience with God. 

Until the end.  At the end they had  Eucharistic Adoration.  And the leader said something like "Ask God what he wants to tell you."

So I did that.  Rather grudgingly I might add.  It wasn't a prayerful asking.  It was more like

Fine, God, what do you want to tell me?  I was mentally stamping my foot, rolling my eyes and pouting too.

The answer was NOT what I expected.  I was hoping for some sort of clear direction.  Like....go to this town.  Or look for houses here.  Or next Monday, your husband will land the perfect job and everything will be great. 

THAT did not happen. 

Instead, this is what God said to me. 

You are worthy. 

And then it hit me.  The reason I felt so depressed and frantic and desperate about our situation.   The reason I was so frantic for it to change, for my husband to find a good job, for us to get on our feet again. 

It was because I felt worthless.  Worthless.  You see for the past several months, we've only been making it with a lot of assistance and help.  That made me feel worthless.  We aren't able to give any money to charity.  We basically are the charity.  

Yes, I was worried about money....but somehow we usually seemed to have enough.   Yes, I wanted to be settled down, but I  can deal with moving. I can even deal with struggling financially. 

But what I can't deal with, is feeling worthless. 

What I really wanted, what I was so desperate for,  was the sense of self-worth that comes from being self-reliant. So, what really took a hit was my self-esteem and sense of self-worth.   And, THAT was what was so hard. 

Once I realized that, something changed. I no longer feel so frantic for change.  

We're working on bettering our situation and that is the best we can do.  It doesn't have to happen tomorrow. It's okay to still need help a little while longer. 

Being poor does not equate to being worthless. 

Society would make you think it does.  Society tells us that our only value

comes from what we look like or how much money we make.   And, I had fallen prey to that. 

So, I was depressed and frantic to regain my worth in the eyes of society. 

You would think I would be smarter than that.  Apparently not. 

Maybe you feel worthless about some situation in your life as well. 

Well..I'm not God, but I think if you were to ask him, he would tell you....

You are worthy.

Dear St. Joseph....I'm Still Waiting.

I've prayed to St. Joseph faithfully every day for the last 4 years.  I'm still waiting for an answer.  

(For anyone who might be unaware.  Catholics ask saints to pray for them, the same way you ask your friends to pray for you.  This link explains it.   And Saint Joseph is the traditional patron saint of fathers, workers and people seeking work). 

First, I was praying for a good, legal job.   Even when he had a good job, I was praying for a job, as we knew that job was only temporary.  

Now we're still praying for a good job (he already has a not so good one) but also praying for business guidance as seeing as how no legal job appealed, he's starting his own law practice.

So...now we're praying for guidance and a house with an office or another office in the right town..and for a successful business.  

We almost bought two different houses in two different small towns.  Both times, something fell through. 

We call about offices....and they're already taken.

We're doing tons of research and trying to find the right area...and we keep going back and forth, changing our minds, considering new factors.  And that's just the work in finding an area...never mind the work involved in actually getting ready to start a business.  It's exhausting and frustrating and is basically taking up too much mental space and energy. 

So, I don't have too much mental energy left for blogging or writing. 

Because Dear St. Joseph....we're still waiting for an answer to our prayers. 

People (ahem, my mom) keeps saying that God is leading us.  But it doesn't feel that way.  It feels like we are being left alone to wander around without any direction.  It feels like all we have is doors closing and no windows opening.  Not even a tiny window.  Not even a  peephole.

To be fair...yes...all our needs have been taken care of.   I mean, we're not homeless or starving.  Yet.  At least there is that.  

But St. Joseph...we're still waiting. 

Oh, St. Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God. I place in you all my interests and desires. Oh, St. Joseph, do assist me by your powerful intercession, and obtain for me from your divine Son all spiritual blessings, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. So that, having engaged here below your heavenly power, I may offer my thanksgiving and homage to the most loving of Fathers.

Oh, St. Joseph, I never weary of contemplating you, and Jesus asleep in your arms; I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me and ask him to return the Kiss when I draw my dying breath. St. Joseph, Patron of departing souls - Pray for me

- See more at: http://prayertostjoseph.org/#sthash.otjhXvgN.dpuf

Somtimes You Get the Rain Cloud and Sometimes the Rainbow (7QTF)

.1. On Monday, Ben got sworn in for the Indiana State Bar.  We all went to the ceremony and had the pleasure of hearing various talks and roll calling and oath-taking and it was all very formal and court-like with lots of motions and may it please the court and things like that.  Just like on TV. 

2.  Elsa, who just turned two, was a perfect angel at the ceremony. It was pretty amazing.  She's also been really good at Mass lately, so hopefully her wild days are in past.

3. Except for when we went out to eat afterwards with my parents, and she spilled something on her dress and then proceeded to remove it in the middle of the restaurant. No modestly there yet!

4. On the drive home we saw a perfect Rainbow.  I guess that made up for the fact that we had to walk several blocks in the rain through Indy to get from where we parked to the Convention Center.  So we got both the rain clouds and the rainbows.  We actually also saw a perfect rainbow on the way up, but I didn't get a shot of that one. So two rainbows in one day!

5. Most of you probably know that I tend to be fairly crunchy.  And I used to be all into natural cleaning stuff.  But, the last two years, I've been spiraling down into the harsh chemicals.  It started when we lived in Virginia and pretty much got mold EVERYWHERE in the bathroom.  The ONLY effective way to get rid of it was to spray that Tilex Mold Killer on it and that that took care of it for a good two months at a time. 

Then here, in Indiana, we deal with hard water so it stains EVERYTHING brown (including my teeth according to the dentist). The only way to get rid of it is to use that super harsh, lime/calcium/rust remover stuff.  It's poison but it works, and nothing else does. I'm not about to use that on my teeth though...they can just stay yellow. 

And let's not mention the carpet.  Keeping the carpet clean is SUPER hard with kids that go in and outside all day.  Yes, they do take their shoes off in the house, but of course that only helps if they actually put shoes ON to go outside.  Walking inside with with the same bare feet you used to walk outside doesn't exactly keep the carpet clean.  And, then there are the food spills and the potty-training toddler.  Nasty carpet cleaner it is. 

Anyone know natural alternative that WORK without lots of WORK on my part?

6. I am a homeschooling idiot because it took me 7 years of homeschooling to finally try Saxon Math and I LOVE it.  It seems to be the perfect Math for us.  So, now I can regret all those years we've struggled through Math U See or Math Mammoth because I was too stupid to try only THE MOST POPULAR HOMESCHOOING MATH PROGRAM ever.  Doh'

7. Ben had a job interview on Wednesday.  He really wants that job, so please pray for him. He was one of 5 candidates they interviewed and they said that they always hire lawyers right out of law school, so that is  a good sign. We'll see what happens.

Have a great weekend and see Jen for more Quick Takes.  

Reader Questions: Supporting the Unemployed and Non-Dairy Milks

I've had two readers ask questions recently, so I figured I would go ahead and answer them here in one big answering questions blog post.

Mary asked about how to helpfully support families who are going through unemployment, uncertainty or financial troubles.  

Well, Mary that's a good question.  One I actually had to think about quite a bit, because really there isn't that much one can do other than pray. I think the biggest things are just to be a supportive, listening ear and share whatever encouragement you can. Sharing your own story of unemployment or financial difficulty (once you are on the other side) can be helpful, but only if it is done in an encouraging way and not in a this is what you should do way. 

I suppose the other thing would be sensitive to their financial issues and suggest free get-togethers instead of those that cost money (ie. meeting at your house instead of at a restaurant). Or suggest going to a free park instead of a museum or zoo that has an admission fee.  

But, DO ask to get together with them. When one is dealing with a "crisis" it can be easy for them isolate themself. There is embarassment and other issues at play, so don't let your friends do that. Make an effort to reach out.

And, I know I always appreciate any kids' clothing anyone is willing to pass on (even when not dealing with financial hardship).  This is especially true for clothing that is more expensive to buy (like winter coats, boots, etc.).

Question #2

I was asked about grain and nut based milks.

First of all, I don't know too much about these, as I don't buy them, but I do view them with suspicion.

What we do in my house is that my babies/toddlers drink breastmilk until they are age 3 or so, and after that they may or may not drink milk, but I try not to make it a regular part of their diet. I have one child who is a big milk drinker, but the other ones not so much. Right now, the only milk I buy is regular, full-fat milk.  If we had more money I would buy organic, grass-fed milk, but I don't. 

I think the healthiest milk is raw milk from your own cows that have free range to graze around happily mooing at your from green fields filled with sweet clover.  I have neither a clover filled field nor a happy, mooing cow. Personally I would only drink raw milk from my own cow or a small farm I trust VERY WELL. Pasteurization was invented for a reason, ya know. 

Anyway back to nut and grain-based milks.  

I suppose they are useful for people who can't tolerate dairy and want to have some sort of milk-based drink to use in recipes, but I tend to think that they shouldn't be drunk in any great quantity.  

Keep in mind that animal milk is designed to be a perfect, whole, food and provide ALL the nutrition a young animal member of that species needs. So cow's milk is a complete, whole nutritious food for baby cows.  Of course we aren't cows, so it's not perfect for humans and some people can't digest it.  Personally, I'm a big fan of human milk for human kids, but, once a child is weaned, I generally think that cow's milk or goat's milk is going to be more nutritious than "milk" made from a nut or grain because animal milk is complete nutrition for baby animals while nuts or grains are nothing of the sort.

However, to talk about non-dairy milks on an individual basis.  

Coconut Milk: This is probably the healthiest if it is pure coconut milk.  Coconut milk is made by blending coconut meat with water, so it's basically just coconut and has all the nutritional properties of the coconut (which is pretty healthy).   The kind which is sold in a carton and sweetened is more processed and less healthy than if you make your own or buy canned.

Almond Milk:  If you  make your own, it isn't too processed but the kind you buy in the carton really isn't all that good for you.  Almond milk is made at home by soaking almonds and then grinding them up with water and straining out the remaining pulp. It takes A LOT of almonds to make a little bit of almond milk and really I wouldn't say that it's all that nutritious as it's probably better to just eat a handful of almonds. 

Rice Milk: This provides almost no nutritional value and is generally highly processed and sweetened. 

Soy Milk:  Need I even mention this?  Terrible stuff.  Highly processed and generally just overall bad for you. 

Hemp Milk: Again, you are getting into a highly processed and usually sweetened food.  Hemp protein does contain some nutrition so I would say this is better than rice milk.  And, it is best if you make your own (basically made by soaking hemp seeds and then grinding them with water and straining...very similar to how almond milk is make). 

Quinoa Milk: You can make this at home by cooking quinoa and blending with water.  It's going to be basically as nutritious as quinoa is. I haven't seen it in stores, but I imagine that in stores it's pretty processed and sweetened and not that great for you. 

My Opinion (which probably isn't worth much): If animal milk is not an option for you, I would use either coconut milk or make your own almond, hemp or quinoa milk. I would generally stay away from any processed milk that comes in a carton.  And I wouldn't really drink any of those milks...just use them in recipes that require milk.

So...those are my answers.  That was fun.  I love answering questions.  If you have any more questions just leave them in the comments (or email me) and I'll try to answer them. And, if I don't know the answer, I'll just make it up. ;)  

Would You Rather?

Did you ever play the "Would You Rather" game?

You know...where you ask would you rather have x thing or y thing happen.

We used to play it with my cousins.

Some of the questions were normal enough?

Would you rather be super tall or super short?

Would you rather be super good at art or at school?

Would you rather have a horse or a swimming pool?

But some of the questions were rather tragic.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

Would you rather you husband died or your child?

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?

It's a pretty terrible game because life doesn't work that way but it's tempting to think that it does.  It's tempting to think that because we are going through X terrible thing that Y terrible thing can't also happen. Or it's tempting to think that once we are no longer suffering from X than suddenly we will suffer from Y. 

Right now we are dealing with unemployment and financial worries and uncertainty about the future.  And, it is HARD, HARD, HARD. 

But, everywhere I turn, I see friends suffering from various health-related issues.  Both children and adults diagnosed with life-long chronic diseases, severe allergies, behavior issues, mental illness, unexplained illness, cancer, hormonal issues, extreme fatigue, chronic pain, hospitalizations, needed surgeries, asthma.  The list goes on and on. It seems as though almost every family has SOMETHING going on health-wise.

And. so far we don't.  So far, we have been fortunate to only have to deal with minor, acute illness or the occasional accident/broken bone thrown in there just to remind us why we do need health insurance. But nothing serious and nothing chronic..so far. 

And that scares me.  Because I have this irrational fear that once we are no longer suffering from unemployment or financial issues that a health crisis will descent upon us like vultures on a decaying carcass.  I know it's irrational...because life doesn't work that way.

But that's the way my mind works.  I blame it on Would You Rather games as a child. Suffering from X doesn't protect us from Y and suffering from Y doesn't guarantee that we won't also suffer from X, Z and Q. 

Suffering is a strange thing and it's hard not to compare our trials to someone else's trials.  Some people seem to have lots of suffering and others not so much.  And what one person finds a major trial, another person might find to be nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

I will admit that I have this tendency to get irrationally annoyed at moms who complain about things like their husband working late or they have to do bedtime by themselves or that their kids wake up too much.  I forget that their trials are a real trial to them and that I've never walked in their shoes so I don't know what it's like. Everyone has their difficulties and their sufferings and fortunately we don't get to choose. 

Right now, I'm just trying to get through what we are dealing with right now and not worry about what might happen and not compare what I'm going through to what others are going through. Because everyone is going through something and we all just need to support each other as best as possible and not worry about whose suffering is worse or harder or more terrible.  

Happy Labor Day! Things NOT to Say to Those who Don't Labor (The Unemployed and Underemployed)

Happy Labor Day!

Labor day is a bit of a difficult holiday for me, as we are still struggling with finding a job. It's been a long, difficult road and one we've been down before. 

Dealing with unemployment is discouraging and depressing and all sorts of horrible. It's easy to be filled with self-doubt and self-questioning and there are difficult decisions to be made.

As the days/weeks/months go by, it gets harder and harder.  Not only are there financial worries, but it's easy for depression and discouragement to sink in. The uncertainty of the future can be pretty unsettling.

Sometimes the well-meaning words of friends or family only add to the difficulty. 

Here are the top worst things people have said to us about being unemployed or underemployed.

1). In my experience, the faithful Catholic families seem to find jobs right away after graduation because God takes care of them.   To be fair to the person who said this, they said it to me while my husband was still in his first year of law school, so they had no idea what the future would hold.  But still..those words still haunt me.  Still. And, that was almost 4 years ago. 

2). Focus on finding a place to settle and the job will follow. 
And when it doesn't? Last year we spent a year living in an area we didn't want to live for a job my husband didn't really want and it was HARD. When that job ended, we moved to a place we want to live but are still waiting for a job.  Both situations are HARD and it's a tough, tough decision. 

3.) So and so and so and so and so and so (in the same profession) is having a hard time finding a job too. This is just not encouraging, it's just not.

4) You can always start your own business.  No, no you can't.  Some people are entrepreneurial and do fine with starting their own business.  And some people aren't. Being a business owner is NOT for everyone.  It's just not.  (edited to add...It also costs a lot of $$$) And making it sound easy is not helpful. 

5). You should do x.  Advice like this usually isn't helpful. Usually we know what we should be doing and are trying to do it.

6.) Pray x novena. We've prayed dozens of novenas and still nothing.  Prayers are not like a lucky charm or magic spell and saying things like "so and so prayed x novena and on the 9th day was offered a fabulous job" treats it like such. It doesn't work that way. Not to say that prayer can't help or that it's worthless, but don't treat it like a magic spell to get whatever you need.

And that's all my venting for now. 

Happy Labor Day!