What I Want my Daughters to Know about Being a Woman.

My Facebook feed has been blowing up with friends posting about the Women's March and protesting the Women's march and showing pictures of the Women's March.  People sharing the good stuff and the bad stuff. People posting about rioters and people posting about peaceful demonstration. 

I saw friend after friend post picture after picture, post after post, story after story. Stories about people excluding pro-lifers and stories about pro-lifers going anyway. 

Yesterday, as I was running errands I drove past some marchers in my own city. And they all seemed to be protesting different issues. Some were definitely pro-choice. Some wanted affordable health care for everyone. Some didn't like our current president's nominee for secretary of education. Some just didn't like our current president.

Elsewhere in this same city, a local March for Life was occurring. I believe in both women's rights and the right to life for all people. I suppose you could call me a pro-life feminist. 

 I have four daughters. I'm trying to raise them to be strong women.   

This is what I want them to know about being a woman.

This is what we all wore today to Mass.  Go see Rosie for more My Sunday Best.

Women are beautiful creatures made in the image of God. So are men. Women deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. So do men. Your body is a beautiful thing with the ability to create life. Use it wisely. Use it well. Sex makes babies. All the birth control in the world doesn't stop that basic, biological fact. The smart thing to do is to not have sex with anyone who isn't 100% committed to you and to any children that may result from that sexual encounter. This is why the church teaches that sex is for marriage only. I hope and pray that you follow that church teaching. But, if you don't. If something happens, or someone hurts you and you get pregnant unexpectedly, I hope you realize that life is precious.  All life is precious. And no matter what happens, ending a life, even an unborn life, is not the answer. There are many people out there willing to help you. Your parents will always help you and there are many other loving souls more than willing to lend a helping hand. Seek them out. 

It's a sad fact of life than men hurt women sometimes. Men have been known to abuse and rape and kill and abandon women. This is why we take precautions when we go places, especially at night. Be very, very picky about which men you choose to date and hang out with and marry. Don't put up with anyone treating your poorly. Ask any woman who has ever been hurt by a man. It's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship. Thankfully, there are lots of good men out there. They are worth waiting for and seeking out. 

Take responsibility for yourself and take care of your self. Just because something was an accident or not your fault doesn't mean that you still don't have to deal with the consequences. Sometimes bad things happen and there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. But sometimes taking precautions is also wise. This is why we wear seat-belts and driver slower in the snow. Be very careful about alcohol. Many women get hurt when excessive alcohol consumption is involved. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions and ability to make sound judgment. Use alcohol wisely and never abuse it. Nonetheless. if someone does hurt you (even if you made a poor choice) know that it's not your fault, it's never your fault and we will always help you through it. 

Maybe someday you will have children. Or maybe you will desperately want a child, but be unable to have one. Or maybe you will have a child, but be unable to produce milk for that child. Sometimes our bodies don't work the way we want them to. Sometimes we think we are too fat or too thin or too short or too tall or we don't like our hair or skin or hips or arms. Society tells us that every woman should look one particular way. That is a lie. Love your body. It is beautiful. Take care of it. Feed it well. Eat your vegetables. Keep active and exercise. Treat your body with respect.

Being a woman is a wonderful thing. Be proud of your womanhood.I don't know what you will choose to do with your life, but I know it will be wonderful. Maybe you will have a great career as a doctor or lawyer or engineer or business owner or teacher. Maybe you will decide to stay home with your children. Maybe you will work part-time. Maybe during some parts of your life you will work outside the home and other times you will stay home. Maybe you will have a religious vocation and join an order or nuns. All those options are good options. Just do whatever God is calling you to do.  Pray a lot. You have a smart mind. Feed it well with good books and good media and avoid that which is trash or brings you down and encourages things that are wrong.

It's wonderful to be a woman. Sometimes women hurt other women. Surround yourself with friends that will lift you up, not drag you down. Never change to be like someone else or change so that someone else will like you. Be kind to others...always. Think before opening your mouth. Your words can hurt other people. Use them wisely. Never hurt another person for your own personal gain. Always try to do the right thing and know that you are loved. God loves you. Your father and I love you. Your siblings love you. Your extended family loves you. 

So, last of all.

5 Favorite Pro-Life Books

Today marks the 41st anniversary of the infamous Roe v. Wade Supreme Court Decision.

We were planning going up to D.C. for the March for Life this year, but we ended up foiled by the flu. 

Image Source

Okay, okay...the snow and the cold was  a bit of a detriment too....we're not as hardy as these folks.

This is the one time of year I write about abortion on this blog....usually I tend to shy away from REALLY controversial topics. Last year I wrote about Unplanned Joy.

This year, I'm just going to direct you a few of my favorite books that deal with the topic of abortion or life before birth or crisis pregnancy or anything remotely related to that. 

1.

Having Your Baby When Others Say No.

by Madeline Pecora Nugent

(who happens to be my mother, but nepotism played no part in the choosing of this book).

Even though this book was published almost 20 years ago, it still has relevance today.  While some of the resources in the appendix are out of date (it was written before wide-spread Internet use), the encouragement and information contained within is timeless.  Written in an easy-to-read style, it contains many short quotes and stories from countless women who have experienced crisis pregnancies.   It is written in a very compassionate and loving way towards women who are dealing with crisis and would be a great help to anyone who is dealing with a crisis pregnancy or helps women in crisis pregnancies. 

Just to give you a hint of the awesomeness contained within, I present to you my favorite quote.

M.D. does not stand for Mostly Divine. - M.P.N.

How can you NOT love a book that has a quote like that in it. 

2. 

My Child, My Gift: A Positive Response to Serious Prenatal Diagnosis

Also By Madeline Pecora Nugent

This book is written for parents who have received a serious prenatal diagnosis...perhaps they were told that their child had a genetic disorder, perhaps they were told that their child would not live long outside the womb. Most likely there were told to terminate the pregnancy. 

This much needed book contains countless stories and inspiration for mothers who desire to continue their pregnancy and allow their child to live as long as possible....no matter how short or long that might be. 

While the stories contained within are sad...they are also inspirational..  This is a book that will touch your heart and probably make you cry...but in a good way. 

3.

Angel In The Waters

by Regina Doman
Illustrated by Ben Hatke

This is a beautiful children's book...the pictures are gorgeous and it is a great view of life before birth. 

4.

Unplanned: The Dramatic True Story of a Former Planned Parenthood Leader's Eye-Opening Journey Across the Life Line.

by Abby Johnson

I checked this book out of the library and devoured it rather quickly.  It is an easy read, and is both fascinating and interesting.  It gives an interesting view point from someone who has been on "both sides".  My only complaint is that I felt the book ended rather abruptly.  Maybe because Abby Johnson's story is still unfolding, but the book felt unfinished to me. 

5. 

Abortion Rites: A Social History of Abortion in America

by Marvin Olasky

To be honest, I haven't read this book, but Ben read it and he highly recommends it, so that's good enough for me to include in my five favorites.  It is a very balanced view of the history of abortion, without any bias from one side or the other.  All stories are backed by historical evidence and written within the framework of a Judeo-Christian value system which was in place in America at the time.  I don't think this is an easy read, it is a more academic book, but if you like that thing and are interested in the history of abortion in America, this it the book for you.

Linking up with Hallie for Five Favorites and Jessica for what we're reading Wednesday.

What We're Reading Wednesday: After

Linking up with Jessica for What We're Reading Wednesday.

Since we're right in the middle of the 40 Days for Life Campaign, I thought I would share a book that I read recently and really enjoyed.   It brings issues of unplanned teen pregnancy to the forefront.

After by Amy Efew is both heart-breaking and heart-warming.  While it talks about unplanned pregnancy, it actually isn't about abortion.  It is the story of a young, naive teen who gets pregnant and manages to hide that pregnancy from everyone...including and most importantly herself.  She lives totally in denial until one day she finds herself giving birth alone...and then without even thinking...disposing of the newborn in a trash bag.  When the baby is discovered (alive and safe) and Devon is discovered to be the mother, she is taken into juvenile custody and charges are filed against her.   This is her story...the story of what happens after she is taken into custody, the story of how she comes to terms with what she did, what lead up to that fateful day, and how she finally shows remorse and finds forgiveness.  It is an important book for anyone interested in the issues of newborn abandonment and murder. 

While it isn't a pro-life book, and I have no idea about the author's personal views on abortion, I feel it has a very pro-life message.  It seems only logical that a society which views the unborn as disposable, would view the newly born in the same way.   The issue of newborn abandonment is a real one...and one which is very likely linked to the issue of abortion.

Tinatella

This is the story of Tinatella (tin-a-tell-a). Tinatella is different. She has pink skin and polka dots on her face. The other girls think she is ugly and make fun of her, but I think she is beautiful. See her...she is so beautiful, with her beautiful pink skin and polka dot face. The other girls make fun of her and think she is ugly, because she is different..but she is really beautiful and I love her.

This is the story Greta told his afternoon while she was procrastinating doing her actual school and begging to finish this one drawing while I drink my milk.  Greta doesn't just draw pictures though...she tells stories about every picture.  And, this was the story she told this afternoon.   I found it very interesting...her choice of words and topic.  We haven't really talked about people who are "different."  They really only know one person who is "different"  or has a "disability"...my sister/their aunt, and they've always known her and her "difference" has nothing to do with her face (it has to do with her legs).

Yet, this was the story she told.  And, it got me thinking.  Last Thursday (on 3/21) was World Down Syndrome Day (see...told you, I'm always late to the game..just posting about it now).  Other than seeing a few random adults with Down Syndrome at church or stores, I've never really known any families affected by Down Syndrome until about 1 1/2 years ago when a family we knew through law gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with Down Syndrome.  They are 20-something and Abigail is their first child. The husband graduated from law school last year and they've moved out of Florida, but I've followed their lives and adventures through Jacqueline's blog, Journey Narrative.  Since knowing them and reading her blog, I've really learned a lot about Down Syndrome. 

I had already known that over 90% of all babies prenatally diagnosed with Down Syndrome are aborted (thanks to my mom and her book.)  Which is a tragedy...because EVERY person's life is valuable and important and worth living and worth fighting for.  So, this post is my small way of trying to bring awareness to this issue.  It's ALWAYS worth it to choose life, because LIFE is worth choosing.  No mother regrets the babies she has...only the ones she doesn't...so if you ever come across anyone dealing with an "adverse" prenatal diagnosis...send them this book and help them choose LIFE...because EVERY LIFE has value and worth.

And maybe, just maybe, Greta's story and drawing was more important than her spelling words this afternoon.

Unplanned Joy

Tomorrow marks the 40th Anniversary of the landmark Roe vs. Wade decision.  I've always known what abortion is.  My parents were active in the pro-life movement, and I have this distinct memory of being on the playground in the 3rd grade walking around and talking with two friends.  One little girl said her mother had just had an abortion, the other little girl asked what that was, and I oh-so-blithely piped up "Oh, I know what that is, that is when they kill a baby before it is born."

I *knew* but I didn't really *know*.

I've always considered myself pro-life.  I can remember arguing against abortion in Spanish class (of all things...can't quite recall why, I think our assignment was to argue something in Spanish).  In college, I took a bus down to Washington D.C. with a few friends and marched in the March for Life.

I *knew* but I didn't really *know*.


It wasn't until I had my first child that I really and truly understood what abortion is and what a travesty it is.  It wasn't until I saw the 2nd line turn pink, saw that first ultrasound, felt a baby moving around and then gave birth to a little, tiny, brand new person that I really understood.

I can remember after giving birth, seeing those little arms and legs kicking and head turning and thinking "Oh, so THAT'S what I was feeling when you were still on the inside".

That is when I realized in my heart, what I have always known intellectually.  That the beginning of a pregnancy is the beginning of a brand new life and that life precious...life is always precious....everyone's life is precious.

It always amazes me how "easy" it is make a baby.  I know couples struggling with infertility don't think it is easy..and my heart goes out to them.   But, I find it amazing how a single act of sexual intercourse *can* lead to a whole, BRAND, NEW, PERSON. It's almost like magic...conception occurs and then POOF, there is someone there who wasn't there before and the mother doesn't have to DO anything (other than continue to eat and nourish her own body).  If all goes well, the baby grows and develops and is born and grows up and leaves his or her mark on the world.   Because, everyone...no matter how long they lived in this world or what they did, somehow leaves their mark.


Patricia Heaton (of Everybody Loves Raymond fame) and honorary chair of Feminists for Life said

“Women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy also deserve unplanned joy."

And that's what a baby brings...joy.  Sure, pregnancy is hard and painful and birth is hard and painful and raising a child is hard and painful..and giving a baby up for adoption would be very hard and very painful.   All those things require lots of work and sacrifice...but amidst the sacrifice and work and pain, there is joy...there is always joy.

After Elsa was born, when out and about, I was amazed at how total strangers seemed to take such joy in seeing a new baby.  Maybe it's because I live in an area dominated by retirees, or maybe it's because she is exceptionally cute (okay, I know every mother thinks their baby is exceptionally cute...so I'm just a bit biased... sue me), but I was always being stopped in the grocery store, or on walks by people wanting to see her and admire her and just look at her.   Just by being a new baby she seemed to bring at least some small measure of joy to others.

And, that is why abortion is such a travesty in our society.  It destroys a life, it destroys a person and it destroys a mother's chance to experience joy through her child.

My heart goes out to women who have experienced a crisis pregnancy.  I never have.  I will admit, I don't know what it's like.  My heart goes out even more to women who have experienced abortion.  I pray they only feel compassion and love and gentleness from the pro-life movement.