All Quiet on The Blog Front - With Some Wedding Photos

This blog has been awful quiet lately.   It's been almost an entire week since a new blog has crossed the threshold here. 

Lots of times when a mommy blog goes quiet, it's because the mom is pregnant and dealing with exhaustion and morning sickness and all that.  Unfortunately, that is not the case here.  No..this blog is simply quiet because this blogger has nothing interesting to say.  Nothing that wouldn't sound like total and complete whining and wailing and gnashing of teeth.   There's been a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth going on around these here parts lately. 

No joke..my last unpublished blog post was titled something like Everything Is The Worst Thing Ever. 

Thankfully you all were spared from that and it will remain unpublished.

Nothing too serious...we've just been dealing with things like the whooping cough (that's a story for another post), and illness right before we are supposed to leave for a wedding and stomach ulcers and financial strain and moving (less than 3 weeks) and job searching.  Nothing big..right?

The one bright spot in our haggard, stress-filled lived is that my little brother was married on Saturday.  It was a beautiful wedding and super fun reception.

And, I got to meet Christine and her beautiful children....always fun to meet a fellow blogger!!  Her blog is always so well-written and insightful and I love reading it.

The bad thing was that he got married in Pittsburgh, which I think just may be the worst driving city ever.

Super narrow streets, and HUGE hills.  The GPS kept telling me to go down hills that were practically a straight vertical drop.  I'm assuming when it snows, everyone just stays inside, because there is no way I would navigate some of those hills in the snow.

Good think we are moving to flat, flat, flat, Indiana right?

And, I'm breaking my rule about not posting pictures of people outside my immediate family to show a picture of a the lovely bride and groom.  Hopefully they won't mind.

Okay, okay, I can't resist showing this one as well.   The only person missing is my sister in the convent, because they don't let you out for things like weddings

And a couple of family photos.

John was not a fan of the suspenders and bow tie and "flower".

This girl gets about a D for Mass/Wedding behavior and fell asleep right at the end.

I love this picture.

Someone always has their eyes closed in every picture.

And here everyone looks a bit squinty eyed and slouchy...I think they were just a tad tired of posting for pictures at that point.

And my favorite photo of all.  They should really make these signs higher up so certain people don't fiddle with them.

An Open Letter to My Brother and His Fiance Four Days Before Their Wedding.

Dear Little Bro and (almost) Sister In Law,

You're getting MARRIED!  Married!  

You guys are going to take wedding vows...

for richer, for poorer...in sickness and in health. 

Every marriage is different. You probably know that with Ben and I, we've mostly been blessed with mostly health (so far), and lots of poorness.

I hope you guys get all the health and all the richness (and you share some with us).  But, if you don't...I know you can count on your shared Catholic faith to see you through.

I wrote a post awhile back, called 7 Ways to Happily Every After.   Maybe you read it.  Maybe you didn't.

So, I'll just take this chance to give you some big sisterly advice....because that is what big sisters are for.

Grace and Forgiveness

The two words you need to remember at all times.  Always extend grace and forgiveness to the other person.  Grace and forgiveness are what keeps a marriage going.  Grace when your spouse doesn't live up to your expectations....and forgiveness when they hurt you.  And, keep in mind, you will do as just as much of the not living up to expectations and hurting the other person, as they will do to you.

As long as you extend grace and forgiveness...there will be a better day.

As good ole' G.K. said:

Marriage is certainly an adventure and there are some distinctly duel-like properties to it.   It's the most wonderful duel there is, however and I'm so excited for both of you.  En garde!

We love you and can't wait to see you soon!  Just as long as you don't serve this wedding cake that is.

Picture from CakeWrecks.com

Picture from CakeWrecks.  This is a cake wreck if I ever saw one!

Although there is something to be said for a purple and green peeps head bride and groom.

7 Ways to Happily Ever After

Thirteen years ago (December 30th to be exact) my hubby and I stood before God and family and said the big I do. 

I'm wearing the same dress my grandma AND mother wore.  Three generations of women who all wore the same wedding dress in the same picture!  Talk about vintage clothing!

We were young....23 years old, fresh out of grad school.  He had graduated with his master's degree a few months earlier in Aug, and I had juuuuust finished mine in December. I like to say that I got my M.S. degree only fifteen days before getting my M.R.S. degree.

Honestly, I had no idea what I was doing.   Does anyone really when they get married?

Over the past 13 years, we've been through A LOT together....lots of stress, lots of uncertainty, lots of change and lots, and lots and lots of moves.   Our waists have grown while our bank accounts have shrunk.  We have a few more wrinkles, a few more gray hairs and a lot more life experience. 

Yet despite all that, our marriage is happier now and our love is stronger than it was back then.  It's been a long journey and we've both learned a lot along the way. We still have a lot more to learn...but I thought I would share my thoughts anyway since, hey...that's why I blog...so I can blather on about my thoughts.  So, from my humble experience, here are 7 ways to happily ever after. 

1. Comparisons are the enemy of the good.

Don't compare your spouse to other people's spouses.  I have a lot of friends with spouses who are very handy.  They would be all this weekend my husband built this adorable doll house, re-gutted the bathroom, assembled a swing-set in the back yard and installed new under-cabinet lights.  Meanwhile, I'm not even sure my husband knows what it means to re-gut a bathroom (actually I have no idea what it means either, I just have a vague recollection of hearing someone say it once) and the words some assembly required are enough to make us both break out into a cold sweat.  There will be no re-gutting of bathrooms going on around this here house.   And that's okay, because while my husband isn't handy, he has lots of talents that a lot of other men don't have.  I married an intellectual...not a handyman.  I knew that when I married him....so it's not fair to suddenly expect him to turn into Mr. Handyman.  

Likewise, I am no Martha Stewart....to be more accurate, I'm like the anti-Martha Stewart.  Ben knew that when he married me.  So, it really should come to no one's surprise that if I was a terrible housekeeper back then, I'm still a terrible housekeeper now.  I'm not crafty, I can't sew, I can't decorate, and I cook weird healthy food like kale and, sugar free peanut butter cookies made with coconut flour.  (I think he started to suspect something when I made him cookies with dates instead of chocolate chips while we were still dating).    I like to think I'm an intellectual, but having kids made me lose a few brain cells, so I'm not even sure I can wear that card anymore. 

2. Take the plank out of your own eye. 

I once got super mad at Ben for spending a small amount of money and on something silly like fast food.  I was all you're wasting money, we can't afford it, blah, blah, blah, blah.  Somehow, I totally forgot about the $230 dollar carseat I somehow convinced myself we needed, or cabinet full of unused/unopened vitamins I have or all the books I've purchased and never used.  I STILL struggle with this.  I'll get upset with him for making small purchases I deem unnecessary, while I myself have made COUNTLESS unnecessary purchases over the years.

3. Marry Up. 

I've noticed something over the years.  The people who are the happiest in their marriage, believe that they married up, they believe that they married someone better than themselves.  They are quick to recognize their own faults and their spouse's strengths.  And, both partners believe that about the other person. It's all about perceptive...not actually who is "better" (because of course, no one is really "better" than anyone else)...you just have to think your spouse is better.

4. Assume Positive Intent

This applies to basically all communication...not just marital communication.  One thing I've learned is to always assume the other person has a positive intent.  We all say things the wrong way at times or have things come out in a way that we don't mean.  Assuming the other person had a positive intent goes a long way towards smoother, easier and happier communication.

On that same scale...don't get upset if the other person doesn't do or behave exactly how you want.  A big part of marriage is accepting someone for who they are and loving them anyway.  Obviously this doesn't apply in cases of abuse or neglect or infidelity but barring those circumstances, it's important to accept that some people will always be slobs (like me) and some people will always squeeze the toothpaste wrong or throw their dirty socks on the floor, and part of being a family is learning how to live when people don't behave exactly how you would like. 

5.  Give, give and give some more. 

Marriage isn't about what you can do for me, but rather what I can do for you.  Marriage takes sacrifice, and it's better to just accept that right away. It's not always easy, in fact it's frequently not easy.  But it IS always worth it.   It's the little things spouses do for each other...things they do without expecting anything in reciprocation..just because they love the other person and want to do something nice for them that are so important. 

And one of the most important things you can give are compliments.  I LOVE it when my husband tells me I'm beautiful or that I'm a good mother.  And, I know he appreciates it when I tell him he's a good father and a hard worker and has the magic daddy touch for dealing with contrary toddlers.

6.  Have Kids Early On

Of course, sometimes infertility or other things prevent a couple from having kids right away.  But, the happiest marriages I know involved babies coming along soon after marriage.  Babies force you to be unselfish...to give of yourself completely to care for this new, tiny, helpless being.  And, the unselfishness you have in parenting carries over into marriage as well.  I will admit, I was kinda crazy when we first got married.  I had moved to a new city, didn't really have any friends, was pretty lonely...and getting pregnant just 5 months after getting married was the best thing ever for our marriage.  It really was.  That baby gave me someone else to focus on and really brought us together.  I'm sure people thought we were crazy for having a baby right away, but it really was the best thing for us. Having a baby is the best thing to give a couple a shared purpose and intention. Plus, we really love our oldest daughter and couldn't imagine life without her. 

7. Make Intimacy a Priority. 

It's important to a marriage...it really is.  And, I totally get feeling tired and touched out and all that.  But, it IS important enough to make a priority.  I get that NFP and pregnancy worries and babies/toddlers that don't sleep can make things difficult, but that connection is just so important.  It really is...even if it means giving up some sleep or putting off some cleaning (ha...any excuse to not clean, I say).

So, that is my humble advice from someone who probably has no clue...take it for what it's worth.

{Linking up with Jen at Conversion Diary) 

7 Quick Takes Friday with a Pink Full Body Suit

1.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!  We had lots of great food, but amazingly don't have too many leftovers (other than turkey...we have tons of turkey).  I made 3 different pies (pumpkin, apple and chocolate) and today they are all gone.  And it was just us.  Pie yesterday for dessert, pie with dinner and pie for breakfast will do that. 

2.

I saw a friend's family pictures on Facebook yesterday and suddenly remembered, Oh...I need to do our family pictures before Christmas to send out with our Christmas letter  blog post. Last year, I think I did them like Dec. 22nd or something.   Last year we lived in FL, so taking pictures outside in late December was not a problem.   It suddenly occurred to me that family picture taking will be much more miserable when it's 35 degrees outside, and I don't really want to take pictures with everyone bundled up in heavy coats.  And, outside is so much better than inside...especially our inside.  So...I ordered a cheap ($9) tripod on Amazon (last year I did them without a tripod), but a tripod would have made it so much easier for my do-it-yourself family portraits using the self-timer.  So, I'm hoping we will have a nicer, warmer weekend day coming up.  I'll let you know how it goes...or not (if it doesn't go). 

3.

I also spent a bit of time perusing family pictures on Pinterest to get ideas of poses, outfits, etc.  I stumbled across a blog  from an Australian photographer which featured a family I actually know through a church group.  It was weird. 

4.

I have an eye doctor appointment this morning. I haven't been in oh...5 years...so yeah..it's time.  The office texted me this morning as a reminder and then I had to text back to confirm.  Which I find totally annoying..because 1) I hate texting and 2) if I make an appointment, unless I call you, I'm going. I shouldn't have to call back or text it to confirm.  

5.

So what are you doing for Advent?  I am a total advent slacker.  We don't even have an advent wreath. I keep thinking I should buy one, but then I never do.  I think I'll just print out a picture and let the kids color a new candle each week.   All the other cool bloggers are blogging about their great Jesse tree ornaments and homemade advent calendars and all the other cool stuff we do.  And, we do nothing.  I'm thinking about doing a slight Jesse tree thing and just printing out a picture each day and reading the reading.   But, that will probably last like 2 days before I forget.   So..we'll see.   And, I'm terrible at remembering to buy stuff...like candy to put in shoes for St. Nicholas Day.  

And, I have done ZERO Christmas shopping so far. ZERO.  Slackers R Me.

Anyone have any good links for Jesse tree devotion and simple coloring pictures to print? 

6.

And Ben has already started job searching for lawyer jobs once this school year is over.  I feel like our life is one big perpetual job search.    So, please for that please.  Thanks!

7.

So..my little brother is getting married in May!  We are beyond excited about it.  And, my family (except for Elsa who would not cooperate) gets to be in the wedding party, which we are beyond honored about.   Ben is the best man (because he IS the best man) and we decided that he's going to wear this 

with this underneath.

Actually, I'm going to put one of those pink full body suits on my Christmas wish list as well.  Cause..who wouldn't want one of those?

Now, go see Jen for more quick takes!