How posting What I Wore Each Sunday Healed Me

It's my one-year anniversary of posting What I Wore Sunday.  I think that's party worthy, don't you?

Ice cream all around (hey, it's Sunday...feasting time)!

There are 46 pictures here, so I've only missed a few weeks over the last year. 

My very first WIWS post was on March 10, 2013.

And, here's today's picture. 

On my very first post. I wrote that it was an exercise in humility for me.  And, it was.  It still is. 

Many times I've wondered why I continue to post What I Wore Sunday.   I'm not a fashion blogger. And, I'm certainly not all that fashionable. You probably shouldn't get any fashion inspiration from me. 

A year ago, when I started posting WIWS, Elsa was not quite 6 months old.  I don't know about you, but it always takes me a long time to lose excess baby weight.  Longer than 6 months anyway.  I'm in the 8-months on, 12-months off club...except I gain very little in the first trimester so it's more like the 6-months on, 12-months off club. 

So, at only 6 months after giving birth, I wasn't in love with my body. In fact, prior to that point, I usually avoided being photographed.  I'd look at pictures of myself and cringe...just cringe.  I HATE baptism photos especially, because I certainly don't look good at only a few weeks postpartum.

So, I'm not really sure why I decided to start posting WIWS, but I know why I continued. 

Getting my picture taken week after week and posting it on the Internet changed me. 

It changed me profoundly. 

That sounds dramatic, but it's true. 

It helped me see myself in a more objective manner. 

It inspired me to put more effort into my appearance.  It inspired me to dress nicer, to find more flattering clothes, to wear more make-up and to put forth more effort. 

But, most of all, it helped me love and accept my body more.  To love and accept it the way it is, right now, not the way I want it to be, or the way it used to be, but the way it is. 

Whenever I would get down about my appearance, I'd always think at least I can still rock a WIWS post. 

Many years ago, when I was in college and graduate school, I struggled with disordered eating...maybe not quite a full blown eating disorder, but bad enough. I was skinny back then, too skinny for my body type really.  I went 18 months without any menstruation, because I was too thin...except I wasn't by most standards. I was still considered a normal, healthy weight for my height.  But for me, for my body, it was too thin, so thin that my reproductive system ceased to function.

This was over 15 years ago. I've been basically fine for the last 12 years. Except that tiny, tiny part of me that wasn't....that tiny part that still had those negative voices. The tiny, tiny part that still has vestiges of occasional disordered eating.  I was mostly healed, mostly fine...except the tiny part that wasn't. 

Until I started taking full body pictures of myself every week and posting them on the Internet.  And then, I finally healed.   Because somehow in the process of taking pictures of myself every week and posting them on the Internet for all 25 of my readers to see, I finally learned to love and accept my body as it is. 

 I finally was able to see myself as a beautiful woman.

I was finally able to heal.

It's not about the clothes...not really.  Although, I do appreciate the motivation to dress a bit nicer for Mass, especially when we lived in a place where shorts and flip flops were not uncommon Mass attire. 

It's about me...learning to love and accept myself...and I'm sharing my journey with all of you. 

So, this is my message to you.

No matter what you look like, no matter what you weigh, no matter how many wrinkles or gray hairs, stop hiding from the camera.  Stop cringing at photos. 

Take your picture...and share it with others.  Your friends and family want to see you, YOU.  They want to see you as you are, because that is who they love. Wear rocking clothes that make you feel good about yourself.  Exercise because it makes you strong and eat healthy because it makes you feel good.   And, stop hiding from the camera.  Because, you are beautiful.

(Linking up with FLAP). 

7 Ways to Make this Lent the Best Ever

So, now that we're a whole 3 days into Lent, I figured I would pass out my -free, I'm not a spiritual expert, I have no qualifications- advice.  Because not being an expert never stopped me from handing out advice before. 

1.

It's not about the sacrifice.  It took me many, many years to learn this, but the point of Lent isn't to give something up just for the sake of giving something up.  Fasting without prayer is just a diet.  There is no point in giving something up, if you don't try to focus on Jesus during that time. The point of penance and sacrifice is to grow closer to God....to eliminate distractions and those things that separate us from God.  The small amount of pain we feel when we make a sacrifice, can help bring us closer to God if we let it.   If we just white-knuckle and suffer through, without actually turning towards prayer, we are just suffering for no reason.

2.

Make it about others.  Lent should be about serving others, not ourselves. It should be about growing closer to our family members and loving them better.  This Lent, no matter your state in life, you should resolve to love those around you better.  Give them more of your time, more of your attention, more of yourself.   Just about everyone could give more of themselves.  Our natural inclination is selfishness.  This Lent, try to root out at least a tiny bit of that selfishness and become a more giving person.

3.

Practice self-donative love.  I love that phrase....self-donative love. I first read it from the Popcaks.  

Self-donative love] is a supremely responsive love, empowering those who practice it to use their bodies, minds, and spirits to respond with justice and compassion to the deepest God-given needs of others.  Self-donation is the kind of love that mirrors the self-gift Jesus Christ gave us, through His Incarnation and through is Passion, Death, and Resurrection. Further, it is the love that lies at the heart of both Catholic social justice and Catholic family life.-  Parenting With Grace, (Dr. Popcak)

So...what is self-donative love?  Self-donative love is when you get out of bed to nurse a crying baby for the umpteenth time.  Self-donative love is when you stay up late to spend time with your husband.  Self-donative love is when you lie down with your toddler at night to help them fall asleep.  Self-donative love is when you read that extra story or play that extra game.  Self-donative love is when you carry your child who just wants to be carried or comfort the child who just wants to be comforted.  Self-donative love is the giving of yourself to another person. 

4.

Do hard things. It's good to do hard things.  Doing hard things is good for you. So find something hard to do and do it,  By doing hard things, we grow in virtue and strength and ability.  So, challenge yourself to do something hard...whether that's running a marathon or crocheting a blanket or teaching fractions or visiting a neighbor, or making amends with someone you've had a falling out with.  Do something hard, and you'll be a better person. 

5

Stop yelling.  This is the hardest thing ever...but it is so, so, so important.  Think long and hard about times when you are most likely to yell and then find alternatives.  There will be mistakes...there will be backslides.  But, yelling is really damaging to family relationships and family relationships are the most important thing. I'm a yeller...I get how hard it is to stop.  It's a long hard process (but remember, it's good to do hard things), but so worth the work involved.  The relationship you have with your spouse and children are the most important relationships...and yelling is damaging.   But, don't yell at yourself if you slip up.  Be gentle with yourself, be gentle with yourself, be gentle with yourself. 

6. 

Go to Confession and take your kids. Go at least once....and maybe twice or even thrice. If you have kids old enough to go, take them too.  

7. 

Make a new friend.  Just about everyone needs a new friend.  This Lent, resolve to be friendly, to make a new friend or revive an old friendship.  So many people are lonely and isolated and just looking for someone to reach out.  So do it...the rewards are great and the risks are few.  Invite someone over, take someone out for coffee or just spend a few minutes chatting after Mass.  You just never know how much one small gesture of kindness could mean to someone else. 

Catholic Bloggers Network

Linking up with Equipping Catholic Families,  Campfires and Cleats, Truly Rich Mom, A Slice of Smith Life, and Jen for 7 Quick Takes Friday. 

Well someone's gotta clean up the dirt around here.

In searching for photos for Theme Thursday, I found these on my camera....taken by some unknown (coughGretacough) child. 

Notice how it's mostly hay.  Hay.  Hay is the bane of guinea pig owner's existence.  We used to have rabbits. I swore I would never get another rabbit because the hay is so messy.  So, what do I do, but let my daughter get a guinea pig.  Good one, Amelia. 

Whatever your homeschool organization looks like, it has to look better than mine.   And, only 17 months and she's already got the mis-matched flower pattern style thing going on...I foresee a closet full of shoes and clothes in this one's future. 

Linking up with Cari for Theme Thursday, Dirt, of which we have aplenty. 

What to Give Up for Lent When You Already Gave Everything Up

Every year around this time you start to hear chatter of what people are giving up for Lent.

And, every year, I'm all

I'm sure it's just my melancholic side, but I see everyone else doing things (like eating out, buying fancy coffees, going on vacations), and I feel like my life is already one long, long Lent. Like I said, I'm  a melancholic with a flair for the melodramatic.

Let's see.

Sleep: check..gave that up 12 years ago when I had my first kid.

Gluten: check....gave that up 3 years ago.

Sweets: check....gave that up a few years back when I started turning into some crazy health food freak.  (okay, we do eat sweets on occasion, but even then they are healthy, homemade sweets made with things like coconut flour.  And, it seems pointless to give up something you don't eat very often anyway)

Junk food: check..see above

Eating out: check, check, check.

Unnecessary spending:  check, check, check, check

Sleeping on a bed: check...I actually sleep on a mattress on the floor.

Showering by myself; check

Heat: check (okay, we do have heat, but we keep it at 62, so it's always way cold in our house).

TV: no cable, check (although we do have Netflix)

Smartphone use: oh, that's right, I don't have one, nor any other mobile device that one can use to check email at any place. 

But, of course I haven't given everything up.  I still live a life full of comforts.  There IS always something left to give.

The three traditional parts of Lent are prayer, fasting and alms giving.  So, this year I'm encouraging myself (and everyone else in the family) to do something in each of those three categories.

Prayer:

We're going to add morning prayer from the Divine Office.   This can conveniently be found online for free, at any time, making my mom's book obsolete (sorry, Mom).    I'm also going to add in some spiritual reading.  Ben is reading chapters from the Scott Hahn Study Bible (Genesis, Revelation and the 4 Gospels).  So, I'm going to try to join him for some of that.

Fasting:

This is where the traditional "giving something up" comes from.  In the past, I've done things like giving up sweets or giving up junk food, but that's not really fair, because we don't eat those things on a regular basis anyway.  Plus, I've come to realize that *I* really shouldn't give up food items for Lent.   Food and I have a complicated relationship and it's just not the best for me.  We already eat a fairly simple and healthy diet, anyway, so there really isn't much left to give.  My kids would be thrilled to give up vegetables, but I told them that is not an option .  Of course, we'll give up meat on Fridays, but beyond that, I'm not planning on doing anything food-wise.

So, I thought long and hard about what to give up and decided that I'm going to give up watching Netflix  alone.   I don't watch a ton of TV, but I've gotten into the habit of watching in the bedroom while nursing Elsa to sleep for a nap or at night and then sometimes watching at night.  So, I'm going to give up watching during those times, and only watch if I"m watching *with* someone (usually Ben).   So, this way I will pray or read more when I'm nursing Elsa and will actually get more work done in the evenings. I have work I'm supposed to be doing for this online gift shop, but it's incredibly boring and they don't pay me enough to really motivate me.  But, I still should do it.

Alms giving

Well to start, we're going to give alms.  For real.  Sad to say, our charitable giving has been rather non-existent these last few years.  To put it bluntly...we *were* the charity, while Ben was in law school. But now, we're back into middle-class life, so we need to look at our charitable giving and figure out what and how and where we can give. It still might be the widow's mite, but it's better than nothing.

But, I also need to give more than actual alms.  Alms giving can include the giving of time.  So, I'm going to give my patience to my family and stop yelling.  I'm going to read more stories to my kids and cook more eggs for my husband.   I'm going to give more to my house by cleaning it a bit better.  I'm going to be bit more cheerful with less huffing and sighing when it comes to nursing Elsa or dealing with her multiple nocturnal awakenings and general clinginess during the day.

So, what are you doing for Lent? Do share...pretty please.  I really want to know.

(Linking up for What are You Doing for Lent)

What I Wore Sunday

Finishing up 7 posts in 7 days! Whew!  I'm ready for a break now!

My three favorite posts from this week are:

Discipline without (a lot) of punishment.

The Mysterious House Next Door

7 Ways Dealing with the Flu made me a better Mom

It's been a fun week of posting and reading everyone else's posts.

So, I don't have too much for you today.  Just a picture for What I Wore Sunday.

I hate this picture.  It's the type of picture I look at and just think ugh..I have got to lose some weight.  I guess that is what Lent is for, right??  I didn't get any pictures today I was really happy with, so I'm trying to be humble and throw this picture up anyway. 

I've been trying to go through and simplify my wardrobe and figure out what to keep and what to get rid of.   Laura first got me started on the idea of a minimalist wardrobe and I love the idea.  I want to just have a few clothes that are comfortable, high quality, fit well and look good.   The problem is just trying to figure out exactly what those clothes are....and throw in changing seasons and changing body shapes (no, I'm not pregnant right now, but it *could* happen), and the whole process seems overwhelming.  But, I do love the idea of having fewer clothes and knowing that everything fits well and looks good (like the above pants do not look good, so they are going to go in the *get rid of* pile).

So, this is what I should have worn to Mass today.   I like these pants much better.   That's what happens when you are running late and take your picture after Mass.  Oh well....now, I'll know for next time.

So, that's where I am.  Go see FLAP for more Sunday outfits. 

Chesterton and Chess

Another Saturday, another chess tournament!  Heidi tied for the first place trophy in her age group and Greta and John each won a medal.  They all had a great tournament and gained lots of rating points.

So, I decided to pick a Chesterton quote on Chess for Weekends with Chesterton.

Hmmmm.....interesting.

Chess playing has many advantages for kids...it teaches logic and advance planning and all sorts of useful skills;   Here's hoping that all the stories they write and art they draw and imaginative games they play will prevent anyone from going mad. <wink> 

(Linking up with Sarah for Weekends with Chesterton)

7 Ways Dealing with the Flu Made Me a Better Mom

It started last Monday night...10 days ago. First Greta came down with the flu, then Heidi, then John, then Ben, then me and finally Elsa.   Like a row of dominoes, we fell one by one.

Kinda like these guys. 

 I don't think I've ever had the flu before (well, maybe as a kid).  I will admit, I was a bit blasé about the whole thing.  Oh the flu, no big deal.  We can deal with it, We're fine. We don't need the flu shot.  And, I still think that. I don't regret not getting the flu shot. It's been tough being quarantined and dealing with illness but I've learned a lot from the experience and we've all come through it just fine.

And, in some ways, dealing with influenza has made me a better mom.

 (Disclaimer, I realize a lot of families have a much tougher time with illness like this than we do. I'm very thankful that we are all healthy and none of us have any chronic health issues that could make the flu particularly dangerous.  I realize that is not the case for everyone.  What is really nothing more than an inconvenience for us, could be extremely dangerous for others ).

1.

I've had to slow down, way, way down.  Usually I'm rushing from one thing to the next....gotta do this, so I can do that, so I can do the next thing, so we can go there.   It was nice living at a slower pace for awhile, and not being so pressured to get stuff done.  It was even more relaxing not feeling the pressure to go anywhere....and hey.  We saved an entire week's worth of gas!

2. 

It was very relaxing letting go of standards and expectations and everyone going a bit crazy on Netflix.  Almost like a little mini-vacation.  There is something remarkably luxurious about watching movies in the middle of the day.....even if you do have a fever and chills. 

3.

It helped me learn to be content staying home..with just us. I used to have an almost maniac desire to get out of the house and talk to other women.  Not that doing that is bad....it's a wonderful thing, but my desire and push to get it was so strong, sometimes to the detriment of family.  I'd drag my kids places they didn't want to go, just because I needed the social outlet.  And, again, that's not necessarily a bad thing, but being stuck in the house for ten days with barely any outside contact is a great way to learn family togetherness and grow closer to everyone else.   And, I learned that I really could survive that time...maybe even thrive during it. 

4. 

By the time I was really sick, the older kids were basically on the mend,  So, I've had to let them take over some of my regular jobs.....like cooking dinner.  And, that turned out to be a good thing.  My kids all love to cook, but I usually dread letting them do so, because when they cook the whole process takes three times as long and makes five times the mess.   So, it was somewhat painful having to sit on the sidelines and watch...but that is the only way they are going to learn. 

5. 

I can't yell. I just can't.  It hurts my throat...so that's forced me to practice slow, calm, even talking.  Which, I'm hoping to keep up, even when my vocal cords are back in top-notch condition.  Last year I gave up yelling for Lent., but since that time, I'm afraid I've back-slid quite a bit.  I'm really hoping to get back on the no-yelling band wagon. 

6. 

We got to practice caring and compassion.  The well members of the family spent a lot of time caring for the sick members....bringing them drinks, more blankets, pillows, cough drops.  Practice serving others is always a good thing. 

7.

Unpleasant tasks make you stronger. When we are sick, we don't just around and convalesce. Oh no, no no.  I make sure we take ALL THE VITAMINS and DRINK ALL THE WEIRD HEALTH, HERBAL CONCOCTIONS and take ALL THE COD LIVER OIL.  For some odd reason, no one was too crazy about my homemade cough syrup consisting of honey, apple cider vinegar, ginger, onions and garlic.*  I can't imagine why. Sounds delish..no? So everyone got to practice a bit of penance and  a lot of obedience when I forced this down their throat at regular intervals.

*It's really not that bad.  Really it's not. You just boil honey and vinegar with sliced ginger, garlic and onions.  Boil a long time until all the good stuff comes out of the herbs and then strain, let cool and take about 1 tablespoon at at time.  It really does help..and it honestly doesn't taste *that* bad. 

Bonus Benefit Nothing to Do with Motherhood.  Having the flu decreases your appetite which shrinks your stomach, which is a great way to kick-start practicing healthy portion control and all that.  Just sayin'.

(Linking up with Jen for 7 Quick Takes Friday).