All Quiet on The Blog Front - With Some Wedding Photos

This blog has been awful quiet lately.   It's been almost an entire week since a new blog has crossed the threshold here. 

Lots of times when a mommy blog goes quiet, it's because the mom is pregnant and dealing with exhaustion and morning sickness and all that.  Unfortunately, that is not the case here.  No..this blog is simply quiet because this blogger has nothing interesting to say.  Nothing that wouldn't sound like total and complete whining and wailing and gnashing of teeth.   There's been a lot of wailing and gnashing of teeth going on around these here parts lately. 

No joke..my last unpublished blog post was titled something like Everything Is The Worst Thing Ever. 

Thankfully you all were spared from that and it will remain unpublished.

Nothing too serious...we've just been dealing with things like the whooping cough (that's a story for another post), and illness right before we are supposed to leave for a wedding and stomach ulcers and financial strain and moving (less than 3 weeks) and job searching.  Nothing big..right?

The one bright spot in our haggard, stress-filled lived is that my little brother was married on Saturday.  It was a beautiful wedding and super fun reception.

And, I got to meet Christine and her beautiful children....always fun to meet a fellow blogger!!  Her blog is always so well-written and insightful and I love reading it.

The bad thing was that he got married in Pittsburgh, which I think just may be the worst driving city ever.

Super narrow streets, and HUGE hills.  The GPS kept telling me to go down hills that were practically a straight vertical drop.  I'm assuming when it snows, everyone just stays inside, because there is no way I would navigate some of those hills in the snow.

Good think we are moving to flat, flat, flat, Indiana right?

And, I'm breaking my rule about not posting pictures of people outside my immediate family to show a picture of a the lovely bride and groom.  Hopefully they won't mind.

Okay, okay, I can't resist showing this one as well.   The only person missing is my sister in the convent, because they don't let you out for things like weddings

And a couple of family photos.

John was not a fan of the suspenders and bow tie and "flower".

This girl gets about a D for Mass/Wedding behavior and fell asleep right at the end.

I love this picture.

Someone always has their eyes closed in every picture.

And here everyone looks a bit squinty eyed and slouchy...I think they were just a tad tired of posting for pictures at that point.

And my favorite photo of all.  They should really make these signs higher up so certain people don't fiddle with them.

An Open Letter to My Brother and His Fiance Four Days Before Their Wedding.

Dear Little Bro and (almost) Sister In Law,

You're getting MARRIED!  Married!  

You guys are going to take wedding vows...

for richer, for poorer...in sickness and in health. 

Every marriage is different. You probably know that with Ben and I, we've mostly been blessed with mostly health (so far), and lots of poorness.

I hope you guys get all the health and all the richness (and you share some with us).  But, if you don't...I know you can count on your shared Catholic faith to see you through.

I wrote a post awhile back, called 7 Ways to Happily Every After.   Maybe you read it.  Maybe you didn't.

So, I'll just take this chance to give you some big sisterly advice....because that is what big sisters are for.

Grace and Forgiveness

The two words you need to remember at all times.  Always extend grace and forgiveness to the other person.  Grace and forgiveness are what keeps a marriage going.  Grace when your spouse doesn't live up to your expectations....and forgiveness when they hurt you.  And, keep in mind, you will do as just as much of the not living up to expectations and hurting the other person, as they will do to you.

As long as you extend grace and forgiveness...there will be a better day.

As good ole' G.K. said:

Marriage is certainly an adventure and there are some distinctly duel-like properties to it.   It's the most wonderful duel there is, however and I'm so excited for both of you.  En garde!

We love you and can't wait to see you soon!  Just as long as you don't serve this wedding cake that is.

Picture from CakeWrecks.com

Picture from CakeWrecks.  This is a cake wreck if I ever saw one!

Although there is something to be said for a purple and green peeps head bride and groom.

Answer Me This: Embarassing Outfits are the Worst.

1. Beach or Mountains? Where would you rather be?

Probably the mountains....although most of my life, I have lived near the beach.  The beach is great....except for all that sand, and sun and yucky seaweed, and jellyfish, and sharp rocks.  No, actually, I love the beach.   When we lived in RI, we'd go about once a week, all summer long and by the end, I was pretty much, all beached out. `  I find the beach hard to tolerate in the morning...if it's really hot, I have a tendency to get sun migraines.  I prefer to go later in the afternoon, when the sun isn't as strong. 

Then of course, when we lived in FL, we went to the Naples beaches...which are all kinds of awesome.  White sand..blue water and no seaweed.  Loved it!

However, I really love the mountains.  When we lived in Kentucky, we used to go hiking quite a bit and I loved it.  I never got all-mountained out.  

2. Which is more fun: Christmas Eve, or Christmas morning?

Christmas Eve. I love the anticipation and preparation. 

3. What’s the most embarrassing childhood outfit you remember wearing?

I can't remember a specific outfit, but I can remember lots of outfit malfunctions.  Like that time I was in  Jr. high and wore white pants on one of *those days* that all females know they should never wear white wants. 

And, of course there have been times where I felt way underdressed or overdressed for an occasion...that is always embarrassing.

And, I hated those spirit days in school...where you had to wear your Halloween costume, or clashing clothes or whatever.  I always found those to be super embarrassing. 

And, I used to be in chorus (heaven knows why, because I am a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad singer) but on performance days we had to wear a white shirt and black skirt.  I hated those days.  I didn't mind performing (I was just one of many in the chorus) but I hated having to wear a certain outfit.  I found it embarrassing.  I hated wearing anything that made me stand out or felt "different' or anything like that. 

I feel embarrassed in my clothes a lot...like I get someplace and realize that my skirt is ripped or  I have a stain on my shirt, or something is actually sheerer than I thought.

Sometimes I think it would be easier if everyone just walked around naked**...cause that wouldn't be embarrassing at all. LOL  Think how much better we would feel about our own bodies, if we could actually see everyone else's sagging bellies, and stretch marks and fat rolls.  Sometimes I think we tend to imagine that everyone else has an 8-pack, flat stomach underneath their clothes.. or maybe that's just me.  Anyway...moving on.   

4. Your house is quiet, you don’t have to do work (housework included). What do you do?

Blog or watch something on Netflix. 

5. What movie do you want to watch when you’re feeling under the weather?

I don't have the attention span to watch a full length movie....even when sick.  If I'm super sick I will sometimes go to bed and watch whatever series I happen to be going through (very, very slowly) on Netflix. 

6. Did you have an American Girl doll when you were little? If so, which one?

No, I think I'm too old for American Girl dolls.  I looked it up..the first American Girl doll was launched in 1986.  I would have been 8 or 9 years old.  But, my family never gets anything when it's first launched...we are always YEARS behind the trend. When I was 8 or 9...Cabbage Patch Kids were all the rage...so I had one of those. By the time American Girl caught on and was popular, I was too old.   I think my littlest sister had an Addy doll however.  I think.

And, Heidi and Greta have American Girl dolls.  They love them.  Here they are, having a Pow Wow....with a few non-American Girl dolls thrown in for good measure.

And, that's all...so go see Kendra for more Answer Me This.

**I don't actually think we should all be nudists.  I realize there are good modesty reasons to wear clothes.  Plus, we'd all freeze in the winter. 

Kids Staying Home Alone...7 Points to Consider

This year we entered a glorious new season in our parenting.   

The age when my oldest is able to stay home alone for short periods and even babysit *some* of her younger siblings on occasion. 

It's wonderful and beautiful to be able to run to the grocery store or a quick errand without having to drag EVERYONE with me. 

I lot of people wonder when their child is old enough to stay home alone. I know I did.

Here are 7 guidelines/points to consider when deciding this important question. 

1. The Age of the Child...Most people say that maturity is more important than age...and it is. But, age is still important.   Some people may disagree and I know there are lots of people out there who remember being a latchkey kid in the 3rd grade, but I think a child should minimally be double-digits before you consider leaving them home alone.  To watch younger siblings, I think a child should be a bit older than ten...the exact age depends on the child and the children being watched.

2. The Maturity and Obedience of the Child. Is the child generally a rule follower?  Do they respect the rules? Are they impulsive?  Are they destructive?  Are they a risk-taker? Are they level-headed in an emergency?

When people worry about leaving kids home alone, the tend to worry about big risks.  What if there is a fire?  What if a bugler tries to break in?  What if someone gets sick?

But, those things really aren't all that likely to happen.  What is likely to happen is that kids get in trouble by seeing things on TV or the Internet that they shouldn't. So, before leaving a child home alone, you really need to feel confident that they will indeed follow the rules.   And, be very specific about what they can and can't do.  Can they play outside?  Cook? Use the computer? What can they do on the computer?  

3.Time of day? Most kids feel more comfortable staying home alone during the day than at night.    Heck..I feel more comfortable being alone during the day, than at night.   Also consider if they will be home alone during a meal time and be required to make their own meal?  Can they do this? 

4. How far away are the parents?  How long will they be gone?  With the invention of cell phones, most of us can be reached really easily.   It's still important to consider how far away you are going and how long you will be gone...taking into account unforeseen circumstances like traffic. Is there someone near by they can call for help?  This one is tricky...because a lot of us are really isolated and don't even really know our neighbors.   Thankfully with the invention of cell phones, constant contact, even when away, is much easier. 

5.  If watching younger siblings, consider the age of the sibling.  Personally...I wouldn't leave anyone under the age of 3 with anyone under the age of oh...16.  I reserve the right to change my mind on that, however.  Babies and toddlers need a special level of care and are prone to getting into more dangerous and destructive situations than older kids. My 6-year old isn't going to throw stuff in the toilet, try to drink dish detergent, need a diaper change or fall off a chair and bump his head.  My 1-year old is likely to do all those things..oftentimes within the span of only 15 minutes. So, I generally wouldn't leave a baby or toddler with anyone other than another adult or an older teenager. 

6.  If watching younger siblings....the temperament and maturity of the younger siblings. Older children who are especially impulsive, risk-takers or disobedient should probably only be left with people who can handle them...which may not be an older sibling, even if that older sibling can handle other, more obedient, quieter siblings.  You know your kids best, so if you know if one child is likely to give their older sibling a hard time....don't leave them. 

7. Your Neighborhood.  Most parents have rules about not answering the door.   Consider if it is likely or not for someone to come to the door.  Consider how safe your neighborhood is.  Do you have the kind of neighborhood where you regularly have solicitors?  Or is the UPS man the only one who who ever pays you a visit? Not that a neighborhood with people regularly coming by is bad, but it is something to consider. 

How old where your kids when you started leaving them home alone?  Is that a different age than when you, yourself did it?  What are your thoughts on it?  I'd love to hear them!

(Linking with Jen for 7QTF). 

Judgement is Bad, Unless You Are Judging About Being Judgemental

There are a lot of blog posts and articles out there, railing against judgemental moms. 

Like this one, about a mom judging a mom on her iPhone. 

Or this one...about an Ipad Potty (whatever that is??)

I used to belong to a message board where someone had the following signature line.

Judgement is Not Always Wrong.

And, you know what, I agree.   I think judgement has it's place.  We've gotten to a place where people are so hypersensitive about judgment that the only thing you are allowed to judge is being judgemental.

Not judging PEOPLE mind you...judging PEOPLE is always bad, because we can never know what's in another person's heart.

But, judging actions, or things?   I think there are a lot of useful and helpful reasons why we SHOULD judge actions or things. 

Judging actions or things helps give us a framework for what is good and useful, versus what is harmful. 

For example. 

Soda = bad.  We all know that.  If there anyone who actually thinks that soda is a good, wholesome, nutritious beverage?  I think not. 

Does that mean that people who drink soda are bad.  NO!  Of course not.   But, judging that soda is bad, gives me impetus to not drink it very often.  Soda is yummy.  Soda tastes good.   Soda can give you a temporary burst of energy.  So, without my mindset of knowing that soda is generally not healthy, I would have no reason to stay away from it *most* of the time.   I do drink it very occasionally at parties or whatnot, but without my personal judgement that it is bad, I would probably drink it a lot more often. 

Let's take a more controversial parenting example.

Too much passive screen time = bad.  Does that mean that parents that give their kids passive screen time are bad parents? NO!!  My kids have screen time.   They use the computer, they use the computer quite a bit. 

Yet, having the idea that too much passive screen time is bad, gives me the motivation to moderate their screen time more.  Without the idea that too much is harmful, I would have no motivation to stop them from watching movies all day.  After all, it'd be a heck of a lot easier to just let them watch as many movies and sit in front of the computer as much as they want to, than to moderate it.  I have to be able to judge that too much of something is bad, to be able to teach them how to use the computer or other devices in a healthy manner.   Same thing with myself.  If I want to limit something or stay away from something, I first have to judge that it is harmful or bad, at least to me, if not to anyone else.   

And, obviously there are legitimate reasons to use screens and computers.  They can be great educational devices.  Heck, they can even be great babysitting devices, and sometimes you just need that little bit of time.  However, judging that too much screen time is bad, is what prevents me from overusing screens as a babysitting device. 

Even soda is useful at times.  If I am coming down with a sun/dehydration induced migraine, caffeinated soda with lots of salt and sugar can sometimes cure or stop the migraine.  It's the combination of caffeine, salt and sugar that seems to do the trick (so decaffeinated or diet sodas don't work).  The fact that soda is useful in certain unique situations doesn't negate the fact that the rest of the time, it is not the best thing to drink. 

Everyone does bad things, everyone messes up, everyone makes mistakes, everyone chooses the "less than perfect" route at times, everyone takes shortcuts.   Maybe not everyone drinks soda, but everyone has some sort of junk food indulgence.  Maybe not everyone gives their kids too much screen time, but everyone has some way they screw up parenting.  Maybe they yell too much, or are too harsh, or too lenient or don't discipline enough or punish too much, or, or, or.  They only way we can keep ourselves from falling too far into our sins and mistakes is to judge that they are wrong and try to do better.  Judging that something is bad or wrong is the first step towards improving or changing or at least moderating that behavior. 

Not Everyone Comes to the Same Judgements.  My kids run around barefoot...a lot.  I know other moms probably judge me for that.   Some people judge that barefoot kids are bad.  And that is their choice. That is not my judgement, so I have no problems with my toddler taking off her shoes and running around barefoot certain places.  I'm not worried about "nasty floors" or "germs" or anything like that.  I'm just not worried about those things.   I believe that a little bit of dirt helps build a strong immune system...and my kids do have good immune systems.

But you know what, if other people judge that dirt is bad and kids running around barefoot is bad, that's their prerogative.  And, that's fine.

Different people have different worldviews.  Some people think that DIRT IS BAD AND MUST BE ALWAYS avoided.  So, they are going to view things with that framework in mind.

And, maybe the mom judging the iPhone mom works away from her kids all day and struggles to get as much time with her kids as possible, so *for her* using the iPhone at the park is "bad", because she has to use it for work all day.  That is her worldview, her framework in which she views things, so for her iPhone at the park is bad.  Doesn't mean it's bad for everyone, just means that she is looking at things through her own framework.

Same thing with the mom judging the iPad potty.  Maybe *for her*, as a mom of a toddler without special needs, for a toddler that has no special potty issues, that using the iPad potty *would* be bad, *for her* because she would use it out of laziness.  Maybe she just didn't think of or know of any other situations or special cases.   So, she judged it as bad, because she knows her own weakness and failures and tendency to overuse screen time.   Maybe it was careless or thoughtless of her...not thinking about other special situations?  But, aren't we all guilty of that at some time??

Which leads me to my next point.

Judgement Can't Actually Hurt You.    Really...it can't.  If people judge me because my kids run around barefoot or my 20-month old toddler nurses in church or sometimes we go out and I don't notice that my kids have their clothes on backwards, or I ignore my kids at the park to read a book (and if I had a smartphone I would totally be on it) so what?   If I'm confident that what I'm doing is fine, then I shouldn't worry about what other people think.  Really, the most freeing thing you can ever do is stop worrying about what other people think.  And, if I'm too bothered by their judgement, well maybe there is something to it.  Maybe there is, maybe there isn't.   But, I know * for myself* that when I get most defensive about something, it is when I think deep, deep down inside that maybe, just maybe...they may be right.  But, if I think their judgement has no basis, then I can dismiss it out of hand and not even worry about it.

As a society, I think we need to stop being so hypersensitive about seeing judgement everywhere.  Maybe the people we think are judging us, actually aren't.  Or maybe, they are?  Who cares?  We need judgement as society to frame what is right and what is wrong.  I think that we can all judge that murder and rape and child abuse are bad.   Catholics judge that contraception and abortion are wrong (again..just the action..not the people).   The tricky thing is when we get into concepts that aren't so clear-cut.....things like child raising methods.  That is where the sparks fly. Everyone is always saying that moms should stop judging each other.  And they should.  But, maybe moms should also stop judging moms who they think are judging them.

And, maybe I should stop judging people who judge people for being judgemental.

Questions and Answers about Beards, Scary Things and Hair.

I'm linking up today to answer some questions. 

1. What's the scariest thing that's ever been in your yard?

Ticks. I hate ticks.  I abhor ticks.  Actually, I don't mind them necessarily....bugs don't bother me. I just hate that they carry disease.  Terrible, horrible diseases that are hard to treat and can cause chronic issues.   I'd rather deal with snakes or bears or scorpions or bees or wasps or anything other than ticks. 

2. Beards. Thumbs up or thumbs down.

Thumbs up, way, way up.  I love beards. I pretty much think that almost all men look better with a beard.   My husband usually has a beard...he basically goes through a cycle of letting his beard grow and then when it gets too bushy, instead of trimming it, he just shaves it off completely  and them immediately lets it grow back. So most of the time he has it and I love it, even though it is starting to turn white...I still love it. 

3. If stuff breaks, can you fix it?

Probably  not. I can do really minor, minor stuff (like sew on a button) but that's about the extent of it. 

4. What was your first car?

The first car I drove and that I learned to drive on was a tiny  Chevette, my parents had in high school.  Then I had a series of old, junky cars throughout college...I can't even remember them all.  My first car that I actually owned, myself...title in my name... was a 1999 Chevrolet Cavalier that I got when I graduated from college.  We still have that car...Ben drives it to work everyday. We're pretty happy that at 15 years old, it still runs fairly well. Of course the air conditioner doesn't work and the trunk is broken..but at least the important stuff, like the brakes, still work. 

5. How often do you eat out?

Hmm...not very often. I would say it averages out to maaaybe once a month...maybe...probably a bit less actually. Sometimes I go to mom's night out with our homeschool group....and that is always at a restaurant. But, I don't go every month.  We almost never go on dates...can't really afford it, nor can we afford a babysitter. And, we very, very, very rarely eat out as a family...just a few times a year maybe. Sometimes I look at all the restaurants and fast food chains and coffee shops and wonder how they stay in business.  Then I remember that some people actually do go to them. 

6. Why is your hair like that?

Umm...because thanks to my genetic ancestry I have brown, sometimes wavy,sometimes curly, sometimes straight hair and I pretty much just leave it the way it grows out of my head.  I don't dye it...never have. I tend to think most people look best with their natural color and anyway..chemicals.  Over the years, it's been varying lengths...anywhere from chin-length to longer..although I like it longer. I've always wanted a cute bob with pin straight hair but my hair is too wavy/curly to pull it off and I'm too lazy to blow-dry, straighten, flat-iron, etc. 

  Every time I cut it off to chin-length, I pretty much hate it and just let it grow out again.  I've also played with bangs a bit, but generally don't like them on me.  Other people can pull them off, but I really can't. 

And that is the perfect segue into What I Wore Sunday, where you can see both my wet hair and today's outfit. 

Go see FLAP for more Sunday Outfits and Haley for More Questions and Answers. 

7 Quick Takes about Migraines, Varicose Veins, Homeschooling and Williamsburg (Fun, huh!)

1.

This has been a rather busy week...which explains the lack of blog posts.  Not that anyone noticed, I'm sure...but in case you were wondering why I haven't posted since Sunday, it's because we've been really busy. 

On Monday, we took a field trip to Colonial Williamsburg.  It was hot.  Fun, but hot. Did I mention that it was really hot?   That is why we left Florida.  I don't handle heat well.  Plus, I get migraines from too much sun...which is not fun.  It's not even so much the headache so much, but I tend to get really nauseous and even throw up.  It also gave me all sorta of sympathy for people who deal with weeks or months of morning sickness (don't hate me, but I never had it)...I can barely deal with feeling like that for a few hours....never mind weeks on end. 

2. 

Pictures, pictures....in case you wanted to see any pictures of our field trip. I didn't take that many...it was too hot. 

Verdict about Colonial Williamsburg.  Don't go with kids that are too old for a stroller but too young to walk a lot and be interested in history.  They will just be bored and complain a lot. Heidi and Greta liked it...but they are old enough to understand and be interested in the history aspect.   John hated it.  Elsa didn't really care, but she got to ride around in the stroller. 

3.

In my crowning moment of sewing glory, I managed to turn a pair of pants I didn't like, into a pair of shorts I did like.  It took a lot of cutting and cutting and cutting..but I'm fairly pleased with the final result. Okay..so maybe one leg is just a bit shorter than the other. No one will notice, right? Right? Right?  Clearly, sewing is not my forte. 

4.

On the recommendation of Rosie's blog   (lest her blog post title start any rumors..unlike Rosie..I'm not pregnant) I remembered I had Magnesium oil stuck in the cabinet and decided to start using it again.   I sprayed it on my legs in one particular spot where I had bad varicose veins and lo and behold....after just a few days, the varicose veins are considerable smaller.  Magnesium Oil for the win!

5. 

So, I actually wrote another blog post  this week that I never published.  It had to do with that whole homeschool prom modesty fiasco.  I decided my post wasn't very helpful or charitable and was making some negative assumptions about someone I don't even know..so it's staying in the drafts file for now.  Anyone else ever do that?

6.

So, anyone know of any good mystery/detective series we can watch on Netflix.  We finished Psych and are looking for something new. 

7. 

I have a homeschooler confession to make.  Last week I made my kids do school on a Saturday!  Saturday!!  We're trying to make up for lost days and since we'll be moving (again!..3rd long distance move within the span of about 13 months) we'll be taking even more time off.   No school this Saturday as it's a chess tournament day...but who knows about next Saturday??  Crazy...I know.  Any other homeshoolers crazy enough to do that? We do school all summer, but we just get so busy, that sometimes not a lot gets done.

And..that's it.  Go see Jen for more Quick Takes.