Children: Burden or Blessing?

I recently came across an article entitled The mother who says having these two children is the biggest regret of her life.   To be quite honest, I found it to be disturbing and my heart aches for her adult children who had such a hurtful statement publicly published about them.   But, I don't necessarily think she is/was a horrible mother.  She is just putting into words what our culture teaches.  

The article is full of quotes like this:

 I felt completely detached from this alien being who had encroached upon my settled married life and changed it, irrevocably, for the worse.

I'm wondering how she knows her marriage would have been better without the children?   It says in the article that her husband dearly wanted children...so perhaps not having them would have driven a rift between the couple? Who knows?

But, I do know that marriage is about sacrifice and compromise.  It is about putting the other person first and giving as much as your are getting.   I believe that many marriages fail because people believe that marriage is about What can you give me? instead of What can I give you?

Raising children is definitely a sacrifice and lots of hard work and a huge load of putting the other person first.  However,  many couples find that their marriage improves with the addition of children because the more one makes sacrifices and puts another person's needs first, the easier it becomes.  The sacrifices we make for our children, carry over into our marriage and make it stronger.

Still, I wished no harm on Stuart and invested every ounce of my energy in caring for him. Even so, I know my life would have been much happier and more fulfilled without children.

 Again, how can she know what her life would have been like without children?  Would she have been happier?  I don't know.  But, I do know that someone  like Mother Teresa who spent her whole life serving others, seemed to be very happy.   I know that in my own life...times when I am the least selfish (and I can be very selfish at times) are the times when I am the happiest.   For it is in giving of ourselves that we receive (from the Prayer of St. Francis which St. Francis probably never said). 

What I valued most in my life was time on my own; to reflect, read and enjoy my own company and peace of mind. And suddenly that peace and solitude wasn't there any more. There were two small interlopers intruding on it. And I've never got that peace back.

Don't we all?  She sounds seriously introverted.  I am somewhat introverted myself...and I do oftentimes long for more peace and quiet and time to reflect.  But, I don't for one second believe that having more peace and time to myself would make me happier.  A little more would be nice....but not a huge, empty void of childless peace. 

 I never wanted to hurt Stuart - I only wanted him to prosper and thrive. There is no doubt I grew to love him very much, and indeed still do. But I always wished I had never had him.

This statement seems rather paradoxical to me.  Love does not wish someone didn't exist. I do not understand how one could say in the same sentence I love you, but I wish you had never been born. For, if she hadn't had him..he would not be here.  She later talks about her son's wife and his two children...I bet they are happy he exists.   I bet her son and daughter have both touched the loves of countless other people...people who ARE happy they exist.

  It was not that I seethed each day with resentment towards my children; more that I felt oppressed by my constant responsibility for them. Young children prevent you from being spontaneous; every outing becomes an expedition. If you take your job as a parent seriously, you always put their needs before your own.

This is true...very, very true.  But, that's not a bad thing.  Losing our natural, inborn selfishness is not a bad thing...in fact it is a very good thing.  But, our culture tells you that it is.  Our culture says that children are a burden, so hurry up and have your two kids and get them weaned and sleeping through the night and off to school and out of the house as soon as possible, so we don't have to be burdened with them anymore.   Once they are gone, we will have the freedom to jet off to Italy and eat at fancy restaurants and read important books and pursue big careers...because those things have so much more value than bringing new life into the world and raising children.  Our society tells us that being a burden is bad...so it's best if all the babies with down syndrome or other health issues requiring special care are aborted...and the old people, or those who are terminally ill, or in a coma...well they aren't worth anything either...so let's just euthanize them.

But that's all lies I tell you..all lies.  Everyone comes into this world as a helpless, newborn baby.  Everyone comes into this world as a burden.   As a burden..but also as a blessing.   Every person's life is valuable..and I find it incredibly sad that Ms. Dutton does not see the value of her own children's lives.  Sad...but not surprising.

It is her tragedy that eight years ago she developed multiple sclerosis and had to give up her job as a chef. She is now bed-bound and lives with Tony and me.
I am her full-time carer and if I could have MS instead of her, I gladly would. She knows I would do anything to relieve her suffering and that I will care for her as long as I am able. I am 57 now and as I approach old age, I have an ever-more dependent daughter.
Yet I would cut off my right arm if she or Stuart needed it.
And that, maybe, is the paradox. I am a conscientious and caring parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been.

When it comes right down to it, it does sound as though Ms. Dutton does love her children...it's a shame that she didn't value them and their human dignity enough to not publicly or privately state how much she regrets them.  It's a shame that our society views children as a burden.  And, it's even more of a shame how many children aren't born because people don't want to be burdened with a blessing.

What I Wore Sunday

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Happy Divine Mercy Sunday! I just love the image of Divine Mercy...because heaven knows..we could all use more Mercy.  Thinking about God's Mercy, reminds me to be more merciful with my children. 

Now, back to our regularly scheduled topic...What I Wore Sunday. 'Cause I know you are just dying to know what I wore to Mass today..okay, maybe not.  But, posting these helps me be more mindful of my outfit and dressing up a bit nicer on Sunday for Mass, reminds me that it is a special day.

So, here it is!

I apologize for the weird angle. You'll just have to tilt your head to look at the picture.  My photographer thought it would be funny to hold the camera upside down.   Whatevah.  Since she is  just an amateur and works for free, I can't complain too much.

Shirt and Tank: Shade Clothing.  Purchased with a gift card given to me after the birth of Elsa.  If you're reading this..THANKS CMs!

Skirt: Given to me from a friend who "would never fit into it again".  This skirt is a repeat from a WIWS a few weeks ago.

Shoes: Given to my 2 years ago from our neighbor when they moved.

I love it when other people give me their clothes...especially when they are moving away.  Wearing that item, always reminds me of that person and makes me think of them!


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And, then there is this:

It's kinda a blurry picture, but that is a St. Francis of Assis Medal that was blessed by Pope Francis!! Jealous??  I stole it am wearing it for safekeeping for my son.  My friend's husband was in Rome for the conclave and he brought back blessed medals for all the children in our homeschool coop. Yay!!   The girls happily wear theirs, but John doesn't want to wear his. Necklaces are for girls.  I tried to tell him that's not true..but there's no arguing with a 5 year old.  So, I'm keeping it for him..and the safest place for me to do that, is around my neck...so there it is!

So, that's what I wore.  Go visit FLAP to see what everyone else wore today!

Three Reasons I Love Catholicism

Linking up with Michaela at California to Korea for Three Reasons I Love Catholicism.

I just love, love, love this Link-up idea.  Love it!  Wish I had thought of it myself!

Here are my top three reasons on Why I Love Catholicism.

1.

It's Universal. I can go to Catholic Mass anywhere, and while the "flavor" may change, the Mass itself..the readings, the prayers remain the same.  I love that there is one central Creed and the doctrines remain the same.

2.

Catholicism is not wishy-washy. And, it's not for the faint of heart.  While the practices may change, the doctrines and dogmas WILL NEVER change.  They've basically been the same, since, oh, the time of Christ.  They don't change with the times, they don't change with the culture, etc. Catholicism does not bow to peer pressure.  Right now, it's pretty counter-cultural...and I love being counter-cultural. It's my rebellious streak coming out.

3.

Her teaching on contraception.  No seriously...I really do love this.  Honestly, it just makes so much sense.  And, hormonal contraception is really bad for you...like really, really bad.   It just doesn't make sense to take a pill or something to make your body NOT work the way it's supposed to.    Medicine should be to make sick people better....not prevent the body of a well person from working.   People talk about "getting fixed"..but really, sterilization is actually "getting broken"...literally.   Plus, I love the way Catholicism views children as a blessing. And, really all the zero-population growth people are going to contracept themselves into oblivion and the Catholics (and other faith denominations) who have large families will soon take over the world. Bwhaaahhhaahahahahahaha

Now, go see the more articulate Catholic bloggers.

7 Quick Takes Friday.. in which I show off my terrible sewing skills

--- 1 ---

It's Friday!  Yay for 7QTF. Today, our homeschool coop was cancelled, so we had an unexpectedly free morning.  I thought to myself, Hmm, self...what should I do with my free morning.  I could go through our books to see which ones to sell at an upcoming curriculum fair.  I could bloggity, blog, blog.  I could rearrange my closets.  I could clean.

And, then my genius daughter said, Mom, can we sew that doll's shirt from the pattern Aunt Alison made us. 

I said, Daughter, you are a genius.  What a perfectly lovely thing to do on a rainy, Friday morning.

--- 2 ---

And, then I spent the next six hours cursing (just kidding..remember we don't curse)..because the pattern which I though would be easy, was decidedly NOT easy.  You see, my sewing skills are extremely infantile.   Extremely.  It's a good thing that Aunt Al sent us a bunch of extra fabric, because we needed it.   It took me awhile to realize that where it said fold on the pattern, that meant you were supposed to place that along a fold.  Duh!  A sewing genius, I am NOT. 

--- 3 ---

But, we did it!!!  We did it!   We made a matching doll shirt to match the shirt Aunt Al had made Heidi.  It even looks all right, if you don't look at it too closely.

 --- 4 ---

--- 5 ---

On an unrelated note, I just learned today that cockroaches can live for up to one month in a decapitated state. Lovely,  Who put that science book for the kids for the kindle anyway?    Let's all have a collective ewwww.  EEEEWWWWW!!

--- 6 ---

In less than 2 months, we will likely be bidding adieu to the fair state of Florida. That makes me sad.  I won't miss the decapitated cockroaches though.

--- 7 ---
 I'm excited that the show Call the Midwife is now available on Netflix, Season 1.  And, season two is airing on PBS.  Think I can watch both seasons at the same time?

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

{Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real}

I just love me a good link-up!  Linking up today with LMLD and CD

{Pretty}

Check out that scenery. Goooorgeous!

{Happy} 

 Why yes, I do dress my baby up in a bathing suit and lay her on the bed to take pictures.  Doesn't everyone?  Actually, I took this picture to show off her chubby thighs.  Our pediatrician was harping on me the other day that she should be eating three solid meals of solids a day at the tender age of 6 months.  Whatevah.  Clearly...those thighs demonstrate how starving she is.  Her belly is no flat pancake either...in fact it kinda resembles that of a famous fat man whose name starts with a B and has a religion named after him.

{Funny}

Notice the first sentence.  This is Greta's.  She meant to write Jack is, and  why yes, she DOES know how to spell the word is and use it properly, but apparently she was going too fast and accidentally wrote this.  And, just to be clear...we don't use profanity in this house..and she has probably never really heard the term jack ass..it was just a SUPER funny mistake..so I'm linking up with Theme Thursday: Funny. 

{real}

This is Elsa, quietly destroying Greta's perfectly arranged doll house.  When we sit Elsa in front of the doll-house..she is in baby grab and play with everything heaven.

Now, go see some more pretty, happy, funny, real.

 

Five Favorites

Linking up again with Jen who hijacked Hallie's blog for Five Favorites on a sunny, hot, Wednesday afternoon.

1.

Rapunzel Let Down: A Fairy Tale Retold

 This book.  You should totally read it!  However, despite the title..it's not a kid's book and only for mature teens and adults. 

2.

And, you should read aforementioned book on your Kindle.

Because I love, love, love ours.  There is nothing better than having an entire library at your fingertips that only weighs a few ounces.  And, Ben is a genius at finding free kindle books or books very inexpensively..so we've got a nice library going. 

3.

Nettle leaves...because nettle is a super powerhouse of nutrition and you can totally buy organic nettle cheaply and make your own nettle infusion.   Place one cup of dried nettle in a large mason jar.  Cover with boiling water and let steep over night.  Strain, store in fridge and drink one cup a day!  Tons of nutrients are are contained within that one cup of liquid.

4.

Sweet Onion Mashed potatoes.  I can't link to a recipe because I just made it up myself.  Basically, when you boil your potatoes to make mashed potatoes, add in 1 whole, sweet onion.  It gets soft and then you just mash it with the potatoes (and LOTS of butter of course and Real Salt).  It adds an awesome flavor!  Try it!

5.

Major, major sales!  I found these on sale for only 25 cents!  That's like 90% off or something. Totally stocked up...which means lots of muffin and cookie baking will be going on in Household Bentrup.

Now, go visit the others for more 5 Favorites!

 

Catholic Woman's Almanac (CWA)

Happy Easter Monday!!

And, Happy April Fool's Day to those of you clever enough to play tricks.

Today I am:

Thankful for:

......My Mom, who sent us these lovely Easter candies...including my absolute favorite..chocolate truffles  There are also 3 chocolate ballerinas (not actually an upside down female symbol as they might look like int he pic.), a cross, 1 chocolate car and 2 peanut butter eggs!  Yum!!

If one were to look very, very closely at this picture, one might just find that a few of the truffles are missing.  That might, just might be that a certain someone who shall remain nameless couldn't resist trying a few, before snapping the picture!

They just arrived today..which was perfect because then I didn't need to have any willpower before jumping right in to indulge. 
 

 

...good friends...who had us and several other families over for a super fun Easter lunch/egg hunt yesterday.

Reading:

....Rapunzel, Let Down  by Regina Doman..who is my absolute favorite Catholic author.   I bought myself the Kindle version for only $5..and it's a real page turner.  Hard to put down!    When I finish it, I'll try to post a book review.

In the kitchen:

...baking a ham.  Since we weren't home yesterday, I'm making us ham today.  I only  make ham twice a year..on Christmas and Easter, but it is the one meat that everyone likes (hmmm...wonder why).  It's not the healthiest thing though..so I only make it twice a year and we enjoy it for a week, and then it's gone.   I actually looked in Whole Foods for a healthier version without any nitrates, and almost fainted at their prices..so we just went with the regular, unhealthy, nitrate-laden version.  Oh well.   I have a friend who taught me that every time we say grace before eating and bless the food, we should pray that God will protect us from any pesticides, GMO's nitrates or whatever other junk is in there.   I have another friend who always prays that the calories don't stick to her hips..but that seems..ummm...not quite orthodox to me, so I don't do that.

Playing Tricks:

....I'm terrible at April Fool's day tricks, but I did manage to convince my kids for some time that I had set cockroach traps in the garage, captures a male and female and was planning on starting a whole roach farm that I was going to keep in their beds.  They were quite aghast at the concept...and kept protesting to keep roaches in their bed and that no, roaches are NOT cute.  

Praying For:

....friends who need prayers...due to sickness or various other issue

.....for Ben to find a job and for the bar exam.

Capturing:

...cute pics.

Pondering:

....topics for future blog posts.  I have so many rambling around in my head...just need to write them.  

Now go visit Suscipio for more CWA.