My Life is Crazy and Other Quick Takes about Sleep, Lent and Random Questions.

1.

Linking up with Jennifer Fulweiler who says that when she evaluates opportunities she decides if it makes a good story or not. 

Well....this ought to make a great story...some day.  For those of you don't know....it's a long story but my husband was a teacher for 10 years when he decided to go to law school to become a lawyer.  So, off he went to law school....with a lovely wife (that's me!) and 3 darling children in two.  He graduated last year, he  took the bar in Virginia, passed it and moved to Virginia with his lovely wife and now 4 darling children.  However, he was unable to find a lawyer job so ended up going back to teaching. 

Well, he decided that taking the Virginia bar was so much fun, that he's going to take the Indiana bar this summer.  Just finished the application process (which is long and involves basically telling your entire life story in minute detail to the law examiners) . Of course, he's still looking for a job here in VA, but also looking in Indiana.  

Why Indiana, you may be asking?  Don't worry, I'm asking the same thing myself.  Actually, I grew up in Rhode Island, but this past September my parents moved to Indiana.  Ever since then, they've been trying to woo us out there with promises of plentiful Catholic home school groups, cheap living, low traffic and tall corn. They didn't mention the oodles of free babysitting they will provide, but I know they meant that too.  Anyway, who can resist the lure of tall corn? So hi ho, hi ho...maybe it's off to Indiana we go.  Or maybe not....depending on if he finds a job here. 

Anyway, this a long way of pleading, begging, or stealing prayers for us.  For our discernment, for the bar exam and for him to PLEASE find a lawyer job so he doesn't have to spend another year trying to teach Spanish to a bunch of teens who don't believe in school or studying or homework or anything like that.

2.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the worst sleeper of them all?

3.

Actually she's not the worst sleeper.  She's just the worst alone sleeper.  My other kids were taking like 2 hours naps at this age (18 months).  Not Elsa.  If she sleeps for 45 minutes, I consider it A VERY LONG NAP.  And, nighttime...well she's gotten better.  Let's just leave it at that.  If it weren't for co-sleeping, I'd be a walking zombie.

4.

Let's compare.  Here is a picture of all my kids at around age 1.5. 

Heidi

Greta

John

Elsa

Why, oh, why, oh, why is it only the boy that has any kind of hair to speak of?  Although Elsa is doing better than Heidi and Greta were at the same age.  She still has nowhere near the hair John had.  I mean, he had already had a few HAIRCUTS by that age.  Why does the boy get the best hair? 

5.

Is it still Lent?  Anyone else feel like this is the LONGEST LENT EVER. Maybe because Easter is so late this year, but I feel like we should be done by now.  Or maybe my life is just one, big, long Lent.  That could be it.

6.

Or maybe I'm just too melancholic which is why I say exaggerated things like My Life is One Big Long Lent, when really compared to most of the world, I have a very easy life.

7.

I can't think of a last quick take, so I'm going to make this a slow-take and answer Kendra's questions.  Now, I can double link-up. 

1. Where do you live? And why do you live there?

See take #1

2. What's are you currently watching and/or reading?

Reading: The Theology of the Body for Beginners (Christopher West)

Beyond the Birds and the Bees, Raising Sexually Whole and Holy Kids (Popcaks)

Watching: I gave up watching alone for Lent.  So, I just watch Psych with Ben.  Except I usually fall asleep, so I end up not watching much and never finding out who the murderer was. 

3. What kind of Catholic are you: cradle, or convert? (Or considering?)

Cradle

4. Can you point to one moment or experience that made you a practicing Catholic? (Or want to be?)

Well, I was raised Catholic, but it was through attending Youth 2000 Retreats in College that I began to understand the Catholic faith even more and grow deeper in my faith. 

5. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

1 pair of tall boots

1 pair of sneakers

3 pairs of flats

2 pairs of sandals

1 pair of high heeled pumps (I haven't actually worn these yet, I just got them for my brother's upcoming wedding in May). 

Hmm...that seems like a lot, but it really doesn't feel like that much. 

6. Are you a good dancer?

No. 

7. Who usually drives, you or your husband?

My husband, usually.  He says I'm a bad driver. I'm really a very good driver, except for the fact that I learned to drive from my dad.  Anyone who has ever driven with my dad knows exactly what I'm talking about. 

8. What's your favorite holiday and how do you celebrate it?

Any holiday we spend with friends or family. 

9. Which is correct? Left or right?

Left

10. Do you have any scars?

I have a scar on my right ankle from a roller skating incident when I was a kid.  I also have three scars from where I had three (non-cancerous) moles removed.

11. What's the most famous thing you've ever done? 

Well it's a toss-up between this decidedly un-famous blog or having my name published as one of the authors on a scientific paper published in the Journal of Dairy Science.  Clearly, I am not that famous. 

WIWS and I Co-Sleep and I'm Not Sleep-Deprived.

Kendra over at Catholic All Year has a blog post about baby sleep and what she does to get her babies to sleep. It's a very interesting post (as all of Kendra's posts are), and the comments are even more interesting. While Kendra was very much do whatever works for you, every family is different, many of the commentators seemed to say that babies needed to be trained to sleep and before employing CIO (cry-it-out), everyone was sleep-deprived and miserable and afterwards, everyone was happy and well rested.  And, I'm sure that is true for them.  But, it's not true for me. 

I've gotten to a point in my parenting where I can respect that different things work for different families.  I'm not judging those who do CIO.  I totally respect that most parents really are parenting the best they can and everyone does things differently.  I realize that co-sleeping isn't for everyone..that it doesn't work for some families.  And, that's okay.  Those families need to do what works for them. 

However I did want to address the idea that babies need to be taught to sleep alone for healthy sleep habits and that co-sleeping leads to unhealthy sleep habits and sleep-deprived mothers and babies.  

With all my babies, we've co-slept from day one.  They've always nursed to fall asleep unless they fell asleep in the stroller, the sling or the car. 

Co-sleeping and night-nursing is easy for me.  It doesn't disturb my sleep and I sleep just fine with a baby in bed with me, and even nursing in the middle of the night does not disturb me because I don't have to get up. I barely even have to roll over.

By 1 week, my babies have all had their days/night straight and would (98% of the time) sleep all night, with only waking up to nurse...but no fussy/awake periods during the night.  So, I never actually got up at night (except to change a poopy diaper and that all stopped by 3-4 weeks of age or so).

By 3-6 months, they would reliably give a solid 2 hour stretch of sleeping alone, in the beginning of the night and I could easily nurse them to sleep and then lay them down and they'd be good for about 2 hours while I did my own thing.

By 6-10 months, I could nurse them to sleep and easily lay them down for naps and they would nap alone (for some reason napping was harder to get them to do alone).

Here's proof..  Baby napping alone!  7 months ago this would have been rare...now it's a daily occurrence.  And, now you can also see what Elsa wore Sunday. 

By a year, they were down to nursing only once or twice in the middle of the night. Since we're still co-sleeping, this nursing is not disruptive to me in the least.  I simply latch them on and go right back to sleep. 

Sometime around age 2-2 1/2 I night-weaned them completely, although they would continue to nurse to fall asleep but not nurse at all during the night.  Depending on the child, this was easier or harder, but with all the kids, it was fairly painless.  

One thing I learned from night-weaning, is that even at age 2, some of my kids were legitimately thirsty in the middle of the night and that is why they wanted to nurse.  Once I started keeping a sippy- cup of water in the bedroom to offer instead of nursing, night-weaning went fairly smoothly.   Heck, sometimes, I still wake up thirsty and need a drink of water to go back to sleep.

Sometime around age 2.5-3.5 they stopped nursing to sleep.  They just did this all on their own.  I didn't have to teach them or anything, they just naturally started pulling off from nursing before being completely asleep and then falling asleep on their own.    I know some people will think aaaack, you were still nursing your 2-year or 3-year old to sleep, but really nursing them to sleep is EASIER than reading stories or singing songs or doing whatever bedtime routine other people do with their kids.   It only takes about 10 minutes at that age, and is a more sure-fire way of getting them to sleep than stories and singing or whatnot.   And they all naturally gave it up...on their own. And, none of them got cavities from it either.

 And, if I wasn't home to put them to sleep, they fell asleep just fine with Daddy, so it wasn't like I had to be there all the time.  It's just that most of the time I was, so it was easy enough to nurse to sleep.  

Also, around age 3, they all moved to their own bed in another room. 

And, between 3 or 3 1/2, they all weaned totally and completely..and have slept on their own, in their own bed, ever since.  They all have healthy sleep habits, fall asleep easily and for the most part sleep all night. We don't have elaborate bedtime routines...or kids stalling bedtime or kids getting out of bed repeatably.  From age 3-4, some of them would come into my bed in the middle of the night a few times a week, and I was fine with that.  By age 4, they pretty much all stopped doing that and stayed in their own bed all night. 

There has been a natural progression of increasingly independent sleep that happened all by itself without sleep training. 

For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.  

That line from that classic poem is so true.  Babies grow up.  They all grow up.  They all wean. They all learn to fall asleep on their own. They stop needing to be rocked (or nursed).  They become easier to put down asleep as their sleep pattern shifts from a newborn pattern to an adult pattern.*  They all start sleeping through the night. Some earlier than others..but it DOES happen.   Sometimes it feels like society is pushing babies and toddlers more and more towards independence earlier and earlier.  We just joined a new coop and Elsa is in the nursery. I'm only assigned to be in the nursery with her the last class...the first class I have "off" to socialize in the parent's lounge and the 2nd class I'm expected to help out in another class.  Last week was our first day there, and not surprisingly at all, Elsa protested rather strongly if I tried to leave her alone in the nursery with total and complete strangers.  She was terrified.  So, I didn't leave her.  She's just a baby.  I put her on my back in the Beco and took her with me to help out in the class I was assigned to help out.  And, she was fine..she fell asleep back there.  And, I was fine with her on my back.  The other mothers in the nursery were oh, it's like a band-aid...you rip it off and it hurts and they cry, but then they get used to it and they stop crying. And, maybe that's true..but I wasn't going to leave her in there crying and alone with unfamiliar people. She's just a baby.  I don't judge others who do that..but I'm not going to.  Just because she can't be left at 12-months with total strangers doesn't mean she won't happily go into a preschool class at age 3 or a kindergarten class at age 5.   They all grow up. I don't need to force separation at age 1, to make it possible at age 3 or age 4.

Likewise I don't need to force a baby to sleep alone at 6 months, to ensure that they're sleeping alone when they're three or that they have healthy sleep habits.  It just happens..they just naturally grow up and become less needy and more independent.

I can honestly say that I've never felt sleep-deprived from my babies nursing in the middle of the night.  The only times I have felt sleep deprived are when I stayed up too late, or  I was up with someone who was sick or injured.   But, never just from my babies waking up to nurse.  I honestly can't relate to moms talking about those sleep-deprived first few months, because I'm wasn't sleep-deprived.  I sleep, baby sleeps, we all sleep together and it works for us.

And, my babies have never seemed sleep-deprived or been cranky from nursing at night or nursing to sleep.  The only time they've been cranky and sleep deprived is when they haven't napped enough.  And, that's not the fault of co-sleeping or nursing to sleep...that's the fault of us having places to go and people to see and things to do and simply not being home during nap, so they had cat naps in the car, or fell asleep in the sling at the grocery store or were pulled out of bed and thrown into the car to rush off to piano lessons.

On the flip side though, the advantage of nursing to sleep is that my babies are very adaptable and will nap anywhere.  So, a 1-year old who sleeps all through Mass...SWEET!

The other advantage is that co-sleeping and night-nursing delays the onset of the return of fertility...and provides a form of "natural child spacing".   My children are all spaced fairly far apart, and this form of co-sleeping/breastfeeding is a large reason why. Now, some people may not care about that, or may want closely spaced children (and that's great). But for those who do, or who are unsure about NFP...ecological breastfeeding/co-sleeping/continued nursing at night can work and provide a natural form of child-spacing.  Of course there are exceptions..there are always exceptions...but it totally does work for me. 

And, I as I said earlier...I respect the fact that everyone parents differently and that every family does what works from them.   I really believe that.  Co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone.  My purpose in writing this post is to show that babies and toddlers can naturally learn healthy sleep habits and independent sleep in their own time without being "trained" into it.  You don't HAVE to teach a baby how to sleep alone or how to fall asleep alone.  They WILL figure it out...eventually..in their own time.

*Dr. Sears talks about this.  When babies are first born, they fall asleep asleep differently than adults.  They go from awake to light/REM sleep and then into deep sleep, which is why it's so hard to put a newborn baby down when they first fall asleep.  They don't fall straight into deep sleep the way an older baby or an adult does. As they get older, this gradually shifts and they start to fall asleep and enter deep sleep earlier and faster (similar to the way an older child falls asleep and at that point, they become much easier to lay down if they fall asleep nursing or being rocked).   I can always tell when Elsa is ready to be put down because her head rolls back in my arms...the rolling head is a sure sign of deep sleep. 

And, since it just happens to be Sunday, I'm linking up with Fine Linen and Purple for What I Wore Sunday...because that's what I do .  I just can't let a Sunday go by without letting you all know what I wore (because I'm sure you all just care so much..or not).

The photographer wanted to stage the picture this way. 

You've seen all these pieces before.  Everything is second hand...and that black cloth peaking out of the top of my shirt...that's actually a belly band worn..not-on-the-belly.  But, hey..it works. 

7QTF...The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding

In my NFP post from the other day, I mentioned how ecological breastfeeding can be used to space babies and how for us, for many years, we didn't really have to worry about NFP at all.   So, I thought I would devote a whole post to what ecological breastfeeding looks like for me.  

My first three kids are spaced 32 and 40 months apart..mostly due to a combination of breastfeeding and a general lower fertility level.   I'm not counting the spacing between #3 and #4 because we did use NFP in there. 

Warning:  Womanly Talk about Cycles Ahead.  Avoid if squeamish. 

After my first three births (after the 4th is still to be determined), my cycles returned at 12 months, 14 months and 17 months (consecutively), but I don't think full fertility returned until my babies were totally night weaned.  By full fertility, I mean a normal length (as opposed to a short-length) luteal phase.  The luteal phase  is the period of time from ovulation until the start of the next menstruation and it typically lasts 14 days.   Once my cycles do return, I tend to have very clear signs so, even without full-on charting or using NFP, I can generally tell when I'm ovulating and so had a general idea that the length of the luteal phase was shorter when cycles first returned and lengthened to the normal 14-day length after night-weaning occurred (around age 2). 

This is MY experience...and definitely NOT the same for everyone., but from talking to other moms, I do think it can work this way for MANY of them.  Of course, there are exceptions....there are always exceptions. 

The 7 Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding

Let me say, right off the bat, that I don't believe this is the best way to breastfeed or that there is anything wrong  with not following these standards.   I believe this is the way that babies were traditionally fed...but, we live in modern times, not cave-man times, so certainly not everyone can, or even desires to follow these.  And, that's okay.   They work for me, and I follow them....not because I necessarily am trying to follow this style of  mothering, but because this is what comes naturally to me.  

And, because I'm lazy...super lazy.

But, again, for a multitude of reasons, another person may not be able to..and that's okay. 

So, here are the 7 standards and how they work for me.

My one blurry picture of breastfeeding which is decent enough to post. 

1.

Do exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months. 

This is pretty self-explanatory...it just means no formula or solids for the first 6 months and even the AAP recommends not introducing solids until 6 months of age.

2.

Pacify the baby at the breasts. 

This basically means comfort nursing, nursing to sleep.  When I had Heidi, 11-years ago, one of the first things I noticed was the nursing made her fall asleep.   And, I was all ha, an easy way to get the baby to fall asleep...I'm all over this one.  Because, teaching the baby to fall asleep without nursing seems MORE work than just letting them nurse to sleep anywhere..and remember..I'm lazy.  Plus. this nice thing about always nursing to sleep, is that you can do it anywhere...you don't have to be home for naps or even night-time.  We can be out at night, past the time the baby typically falls asleep, and I can just nurse and baby will sleep in arms or the sling until we leave wherever we are..so she can nap anywhere.   It's awesome..she's even slept through fireworks on the 4th of July. 

This just works for us...which is why we've stuck with attachment parenting.  

3.

Don't use bottles or pacifiers. 

I'm lazy, so it's easier for me not to worry about pumping and introducing a bottle or using a pacifier (that will NO DOUBT get lost and dirty in my home).   If we used pacifiers, I'd probably have to buy like 3 dozen of them, because we have a tendency to lose things around here.   So again, it just works for me, NOT to use those things.

And, I'm fortunate enough to not have to work outside the home, (I do some work at home)., so this is possible for us.

Plus, I'm lazy..so I'd rather be all sorry, can't wash the dishes, I'm nursing the baby. cause ya know, nursing is easier than washing dishes. 

4.

Sleep with your baby for night feedings.

This is the ultimate in laziness for me.  Plus, I'm a worry-wart, and if I put my newborn babies in a crib, I CAN'T sleep and am constantly checking on them. Are they still breathing? Are they still breathing? Are they still breathing??    What can I say, I'm neurotic.  

I just sleep better with the baby right next to me, since I know they are all right.  Plus, I hate getting out of bed, so I'd rather have the baby right there and just nurse, instead of having to *gasp* get out of bed.   I honestly, have NO IDEA how moms can get up in the middle of the night with babies.  I've never actually been UP in the night with my babies, they wake up to nurse A LOT, but we all stay in bed and I can sleep while nursing, so it works out well for us and I don't feel too sleep-deprived. 

5.

Sleep with your baby for a daily nap feeding. 

I actually have never done this on a regular basis.  Who has time for that?  It still hasn't affected when my fertility comes back, so I don't know that this part is all that necessary.  What I do is nurse the baby to sleep for naps in bed, and then get up and leave them sleeping  (our bed is a mattress on the floor, so I don't have to worry about them falling off).  Then, I do sometimes have to go back in and nurse them again in the middle of nap, so they'll sleep another 30 minutes or so, but I rarely actually sleep WITH the baby for naps. 

6.

Nurse frequently day and night and avoid schedules. 

This I do, because honestly, a schedule seems more work than just nursing whenever and wherever.   And, I'm lazy. 

7. 

Avoid any practice that restricts nursing or separates you from your baby. 

Again, I realize that this isn't possible for everyone, but I've basically learned to just take my babies everywhere with me.  And, it really doesn't restrict my activities at all.  I've taken them to doctor's appointments, mom's nights out, conferences, retreats, etc.  My babies are pretty happy to be wherever I am.  Of course, as they get more mobile, it gets more challenging, but a good sling and nursing to sleep (so they can sleep anywhere) makes this much easier. 

This is the style of breastfeeding which works for us...and has helped space our babies.  This is what my mom did, so maybe I subconsciously picked it up..but it works for our family.

And, since there are 7 of these, I'm linking up with Jen  for 7QTF. 

Five Favorites By Baby

Hi, my name is Elsa and I like to bang on my mommy's keyboard and spill diet coke on Daddy's keyboard.  That only cost him $114 to get it fixed, but because I'm super cute, they forgave me. 

Since, I like banging  typing on the keyboard so much mommy let me take over blogging and I'm doing my five favorite baby things.

1.

The Kozy Carrier..because it makes me feel all warm and cozy and snuggly in it and I fall asleep.  And, it lets my mommy do important things like taking walks and hikes without making me ride in a boring old stroller.  And, when I want to go into it, I just whine and cry and pull on mommy's legs while she's trying to do something for all my slaves  siblings like cook dinner.  Then, she puts me in it and I can see everything and she can cook dinner for the my  slaves  siblings,  That way they have more energy to entertain me and get me toys and carry me around and do whatever I want.

2.

Smart Nappy Diapers

Because I'm too little to use the potty and these never leak and absorb a lot of pee and most of all are super trim and don't make my butt look big...because who wants a big ole' cloth diaper bubble butt?

3.

Sleeping in the big bed with mommy because HELLO....who wants to sleep alone??  I mean, wolves might come eat me if I'm all alone.

Not my mommy's bed..she would never have such an ugly bedspread.

Plus, sleeping in mommy's bed makes it easier for me to partake of my next favorite thing.

4.

(See, I'm only 9 months old and I can already do a segue).

The nana...or some babies calling it nursing or milkies...but whatever...it's my favorite thing.  Nana is all sweet and warm and delicious and it's super fun to be nursing and then bite mommy and watch her scream..and then go back to nursing.  I always be sure to look super cute when I do that and then cry to nurse some more, so I can play the game again...it's so fun.  

Taken right after a snack.

5.

I only eat big people food, because it's much more fun to steal food off my mommy's or daddy's plates or eat stuff that falls on the floor than it is to eat mushy old baby food off a spoon.

And, this is my favorite food, because it's nice and juicy and yummy and always makes a big mess..and I live for making messes.  If mommy let me, I would eat tons and tons of watermelon..it soooo yummy!

And, now I hear that there is this really cool blogger named Hallie that hosts these Five Favorites.  I can't read yet, but if you can...you should go check her out. 

Why we've stuck with attachment parenting

I just love Facebook. Seriously..I love it...I get exposed to so many blogs and ideas and links...and since I have carefully selected my "likes" to correspond with my interests, a lot of interesting articles show up.

This morning, an article entitled: Why we ditched attachment parenting showed up in my newsfeed.  So, I said to myself, Hmmm, that looks interesting, I think I can waste a few moments of my life reading that.  So, I did..because I love reading blogs and wasting time.

While the author was careful to state that different parenting styles work for different parents, she also seemed to say that co-sleeping turned her son (and lots of other children she knew) into a clingy, sleep-deprived mess, while her sleep-trained daughter was happy and content and slept well and everything was all rainbows and butterflies.   And, while I have no doubt that is true for her, I don't by any means think  it is a universal experience.

I think the real issue here is that new parents can get so caught up in parenting "styles" or labels, that they lose sight of the real focus and don't just do what works.   While we follow many of the "tenets" of attachment parenting,  I don't  consider us hard-core followers of any parenting style.

Love my Kozy!  I think it is my favorite baby carrier!

I'm all about baby-wearing..I have a too big, nice little collection of slings...everything from ring-slings to mei tais, to pouches (never could get into wraps though), but Elsa still spends plenty of time in a stroller, or the exersaucer or bouncy chair  or just on the floor.  Floor time is becoming limited though because Miss Grabby Hands has this amazing ability to reach and grab things that I could have sworn were out of reach when I put her down.   She doesn't crawl yet..she just sort of wiggles and stretches and somehow manages to grab things and the next thing I know, I'm all, Aaack, the baby is chewing on the computer cord,  and then I have to take it away from her, and well..she's not too fond of that.  I need to get the kids to keep the floor better picked up with their toys, because most of the time, it's one big, baby booby trap.

The baby in this picture is Heidi.  And, I have no idea why there is no sheet on that mattress??  This picture was taken in RI, while we were on vacation one summer, visiting my family.

And, yes, we do co-sleep and yes, she does *have* to nurse to fall asleep, and yes *all* my kids did that as babies and none of the older ones do that now.  They all fall asleep on their own, just fine, in their own room, and you can't even tell that when they were babies they had to nurse to sleep.  It's true..they do all eventually wean and potty-train and move into their own bed...and it even happened before kindergarten!

Yes, my not-quite 6-month old still nurses during the night...but. really..it's super easy when she's in bed with me.  I just latch her on real quick and go right back to sleep.  Hardly any sleep disturbance at all.  And, lately she's been giving us a good chunk of time when she first falls asleep for the night, where she sleeps alone in bed..which is wonderful.  And, all my kids did that as babies..they'd fall asleep around 8:00 or so and give us about 2 hours where they slept alone, before waking up around 10:00 ish..which is when I go to bed anyway.

Now, you may remember that last Friday, I posted about how I was sleep-deprived and tired, due to Elsa.  But, that wasn't totally true (ok..I admit it..I sorta lied... I better go to Confession now).  The reason I was sleep-deprived wasn't so much that Elsa was keeping me up, but that *I* had stayed up too late a few nights that week (and especially the night before), and it had caught up with me.  Yes, Elsa does wake up to nurse, but the real reason I was so tired was that I hadn't gone to bed early enough the night before or a few previous nights that week as well. Ever since I was a kid, I have had an inability to "sleep-in".  I'm totally wired to be a morning person, so when the sun starts peeking through the shades, I wake up..and can no longer sleep. Which means, that I can't make up lost sleep from the night before, by sleeping later.

Which brings me to my next point..the reason I was so sleep-deprived last week.  It's because the night before I had gone to a fun Mom's Night Out with friends...with baby in tow.  And, it was totally fine.  I held her some, a friend held her some (and showed her off to the snowbirds at the next table) and eventually she nursed and nodded off and I just held her in my arms while chatting with my friends, relaxing, and having a great time NOT being at home, while my wonderful husband dealt with the older kids and put them to bed and all that.  You see, having a baby that always nurses to sleep does mean that *I* always have to nurse her to sleep,  but it also means that she is totally and completely flexible and portable.  She will fall asleep anywhere..we don't have to worry about cranky baby while out, or having to take her home so she can nap.  Saturday night, we were also out with her past her bedtime...(at a wonderful friend's house for a lovely First Saturday Rosary and social time) and she was passed around and held by lots of friends, and then when she got tired, I just nursed her and she fell asleep and was still passed around while asleep. Lately, it's worked out that Sunday Mass happens to fall during the time she would nap, so I just nurse her in the pew, she falls asleep and we just hold her for the duration of Mass, and all is well.

You see, I value social time, and outings and getting out of the house and being with friends.  It would drive me CRAZY, to have to schedule my life or our outings around a baby's nap or bedtime.  Seriously crazy.  With 3 older homeschooling kids, I need to be able to take them to activities or coops or field trips without worrying about a baby's nap.

The one time she slept in a crib..I think it lasted about 10 minutes.

I totally realize that a different parenting style works better for other parents..and for some families, the baby always sleeps in crib, lifestyle works for them.  However, that type of life would not work for me.  I would much rather baby was dependent on *me* for nursing and sleeping and just drag them along wherever I go, than have to schedule around feedings or naps or get babysitters (because heaven knows, babysitters are NOT in our budget).  This is what works for us.  And, that totally dependent stage does not last forever.  My baby will be 6 months old next week...and honestly it feels like she was just born yesterday.  I know, that before I even know it, she'll be even more independent.

I don't follow attachment parenting because I think it is "better"..but because for the most part, it is what works for our family.  And, I think really..that is what parenting is all about.  It is about finding what works for each family and baby.  So, for some families, co-sleeping may be an absolute disaster and lead to sleep-deprived parents and babies, while for others, it may be blissful and lead to happy parents and babies.  It's all about finding what works, and then letting go of labels and styles and preconceived notions.

Who's on first?

This article recently popped up in my Facebook feed. It's all about how Giuliana Rancic,

Look at all the priests we had at our wedding.

who by the way I have no idea who she is, because I tend to be super clueless about celebrities and pop culture and all that, said she puts her marriage first before her baby.  Why this is news, I don't know, because I personally don't care too much about celebrities. However, the article did get me thinking about who's on first...as in who is my first priority.

 I find it to be an odd question actually...Who comes first..kids or marriage?. It seems like just another way to pit parenting style against parenting style. The marriage first people are all:  

My marriage comes first because that is the base of our family, and we never, ever, ever, ever, let our kids in our bed, and we leave our kids with a babysitter once a week for date night and twice a year for weekends away. And, when my husband and I are talking, my kids never, ever interrupt, and when my husband comes home, all my focus is on him.

Who lives like that? And, who has enough babysitters or preferably family, willing to watch their kids so they can go away on vacations alone twice a year...because whoever does I kinda want them to adopt me. (Just kidding, Mom).

And, then the kids first people are all:

We choose to have kids, and every single second of my day is devoted to my kids and if they so much as make a peep we come running, and we would never, ever, ever leave them with a babysitter or go to any childless functions and we spend every single second of every single day focused on them.

And to that, I just say...Are you crazy..because you must have way more patience than I do.
 
And, really...who does either of those things? Because, the truth is that priorities change...they change with the season, they change with the stage and they change in the moment. Sometimes the baby cries and wakes up and is fussy and wants to nurse .all.the.time and then she takes priority. And, sometimes Heidi needs help with a math problem or Greta needs help with her writing and that takes priority. Sometimes, John needs something or is having a tantrum, and he takes priority. And, sometimes, Ben and I are trying to have a conversation or spend time together and we kick all the kids (except the baby) out of a room so we can share a meal together or talk without anyone interrupting, and marriage take priority. And, sometimes Ben himself takes priority, like when I have to hold his hand while he fills out the bar application...except I can't literally hold it, since he needs his hands for typing and mouse clicking and all that. And, sometimes it is the hunk of meat sizzling on the stove that takes priority..because if I don't attend to it, it will burn. And, I would never, ever just walk away from something on the stove and let it burn. And, sometimes I take priority...because I'm working out or taking a shower or getting dressed or writing or doing some other totally pressing thing like Facebook and then I yell loudly call for someone else to pick up the baby or make John a peanut butter sandwich or whatever someone needs at the moment. And ,hopefully, all the the time, God takes priority..although not necessarily in hours spent in prayer each day, but in the way we live our lives, the way we treat others and the way we do our work. I know there is some famous quote about that...something about how a mother is called to leave the alter of prayer and find her Lord in the dirty dishes and daily work..or something like that. I don't know the exact quote or how to look it up, but I've always liked it.

Being part of a family is all about balancing each family member's needs, as they are, at the present moment.   It's not about who is most important or who takes priority or which came first, but about helping everyone work harmoniously together. Or at least that's the way it should be...not saying that's always the way it is..just the way it should be and the ideal we strive towards. I don't see my marriage or my kids as being more important...they both are..and they each take priority in different times and different seasons and different moments.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

The Christmas Season is almost over ...but not yet.  It's STILL Christmas until the Epiphany, which means I'm totally, completely justified in writing about a line from a Christmas Carol on January 1st, right?

Lately, I've been musing a lot about the last line from Silent Night ....you know, the one that goes "Sleep in Heavenly Peeeeace.....Sleeeeep in Heavenly Peace."

What I want to know is exactly what is heavenly peace?  And, how come my baby isn't sleeping in it?

You see, with a young baby, the topic of sleep seems to come up a lot in conversations.  And, I'm never quite sure how to answer the question on "how is she sleeping".  I just want to say "like a baby" and leave it like that, because well..she sleeps like a baby....which mean she wakes up a lot and doesn't like to be put down.

The thing is, Elsa spends a good portion of the day,  NOT napping..she is basically a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad napper.

This is how a typical Elsa nap goes..she is tired, she fusses, she nurses, she falls asleep and sleeps..oh...typically about 8 1/2 minute before *something* happens to wake her up.   That something could be like

I dare to shift her in my lap..she wakes up

.I try to put her down...she wakes up.

Someone whispers near her...she wakes up.

A butterfly flaps its wings in China...she wakes up.

The only way she really naps well is if she is in the sling, and I'm basically running walking a marathon.  Don't get me wrong...I love walking with her in the sling..but I generally can't do that more than twice a day (once in the morning during *my* exercise and once in the evening when I take my kids.)   Of course, if I did, I might be a lot skinnier.  Alas, I have other duties I must attend to and other children that must do important things...like school..so I end up just holding her for most naps..which isn't so bad because they only last about 8 1/2 minutes anyway and I can happily sit and surf the 'net for 8 1/2 minutes.



And, that's okay..because she is only 3 months old and a baby needs her mama..and that's the way it's supposed to be.

But nighttime on the other hand...nighttime is different.  Nighttime sleep is glorious.  We sleep cuddled up together and Elsa frequently goes 6 hours or so without waking up.

Ten years ago, when Heidi was born, someone gave us a beautiful bassinet. We set it up in the bedroom and that first night home from the hospital, I laid her in it and then  went to bed and tried to go to sleep.  Thirty seconds later, I popped out of bed and had to peek at her...just to make sure she will still breathing.  I lied down again and tried to sleep...only to do another breathing check about a minute later.

Then I realized, I've never get any sleep that way, took her into bed with me and have been co-sleeping with babies ever since. (my kids typically move into their own bed  and room sometime around age 3).  There is nothing more delightful than cuddling up in bed with a sweet infant and falling asleep together while they nurse.  That is what heavenly sleep must be like...snuggled up safely next to your most, very favorite person in world (and since I have the "nana" I'm obviously the most very favorite person in the world).

When I took Elsa to the doctor when she was only a few days old, the pediatrician asked where she slept and  if she slept with me and when I answered in the affirmative she was all "oh, well, I did that too, but we don't recommend it and I have to advise against it, even though I also co-slept with my kids".   At least she was nice about it.

I realize other people manage to get their babies to sleep in a crib and different sleeping arrangements work better for others..but co-sleeping always just felt so natural to me. Or maybe I'm just lazy and will do just about anything not to have to get up out of bed again (okay, no maybe about it..that is a definite).

Thankfully however, she does, on occasion, sleep by herself...here is photographic evidence...sometimes she even does this for up to 9.5 minutes at a time..which is what let me write this blog post.



But, now she is about to reach the 9.75 minute mark..so I best be off.

Blessings,

Amelia

p.s Isn't that hat just too adorable...I call it her "granny hat."